Bribing Teachers Works and Other Confessions

Sorry for another teacher-y post in a row. I'm very pensive and introspective about teaching right now (they call this our "reflection" period after we get out of our "burnout" period which is from about January-March).

I'm including an outfit pic at least (blurry and crappy - taken by my ipad and an app that takes pictures when you clap! haha I'm pathetic) to at least make it slightly less boring to those of you who don't care about junior high stuff. I don't blame you.

I've worn 3 maxis this week. Yikes. They are pretty much sweats so it means I've given up until this cold leaves me alone.

 

Only a free Diet Coke can give me that goofy grin

 

Today, a kid came in with our latest map - Asia - and asked if I could put it in our online gradebook before lunch even though it was due last week and was really late. See, he had a REALLY IMPORTANT soccer game after school and his grades weren't good enough to play.

Once again, awesome teaching moment where consequences can and should be used. Praise be to this soccer coach for holding his players accountable. I could kiss him on the cheek.

So I tell this kid that I'll TRYYYYYY but that he shouldn't leave things to the last minute and should never turn in things late and that he owes me big time. I saw the fear in his eyes and I know it worked. This kid will be an A student for me forever.

A couple hours later he was back with an ice cold Diet Coke and a big thanks. Yahtzee.

Moral of the Story: Kids don't realize how little things they do can seriously help them out in the classroom. Bribery, favorites, it's all true and it all works.

Top 5 Teacher Confessions that will Amaze and Help You

1. If a student is quiet and nice, I subconsciously grade their work easier, because they make my life easier. They can get away with so much more. Sometimes I see really really really good kids texting and I don't bust them on it. I know I should, but I don't want to because I trust them and have a good relationship with them
2. If a student usually works crazy hard and is perfect, I stop grading their work eventually and just give them 100% on everything to save myself time.
3. When current work comes in, I have 200+ to grade so I spend about 2 seconds on each one (meaning if it looks good at first glance I usually give it points). When late work comes in I only have like 2 or 3 to look at at a time (meaning I tear it apart and grade hard). 
4. When you come talk to me about your grade, I'm 436x more likely to help you out and get your stuff in. When your mom emails me, especially in a rude way (see earlier post) it makes me want to grade your work so hard and let it sit on my desk for a week. I know that sounds bad. But it's fact. 
5. Kids that bring me Diet Cokes, food, cute notes, compliment me, etc. - well. It's hard not to love them. Emotional bank account, people. 

The main idea here is that forming a relationship with a teacher is worthwhile. These are actually universal principles and you should just work hard to make people like you and think you're a good person and your life will automatically get easier. Promise.

Teacher Probz

This cough is MURDERING ME. It was ever so kind as to wake me up with a hacking fit at 2 am this morning to mark the 2 week anniversary of us being together. Sweet, right?

I've tried everything Pinterest, God and pharmacies have to offer and still - coughing constantly and sounding like Kurt Cobain. Two sick days, an entire pack of Dayquil, garlic/lemon/honey tea, Vicks VapoRub on my feet with socks overnight, tribal dances, nothing is doing it for me.

I've missed a couple of days of school, and there's been quite the pile of grading creeping up on me. I'm trying desperately to catch up on it - and I'll succeed today. However, one email from an illogical mother has tempted me to leave it all there, collecting dust.

Let's call her son Billy. Billy has dropped the ball a bit in the last month or so. He's failed to turn in assignments, performed poorly on quizzes and done about half of the work on the assignments he did turn in. Billy is actually really smart and a fun kid. I really like him. He's just fallen into this lull that all the kids are going through right now.

"It's getting warmer. All the girls are pushing the dress code. School is almost out. I better give up this strong pattern I've been maintaining and just lose my mind completely." - every middle school student right now.

Over the past week or so, he's been realizing how bad his grade has gotten and come in to do makeup work and turn in all his late assignments. I haven't entered his updated work for 2 very valid, normal reasons:

1. I've been sick and missed 2 days of school - during which time I not only teach and plan, but also grade all the work as it comes in. I'm usually always on top of grading. Unfortunately not when I'm passed out on the couch in front of The Office with my nose leaking. Gross. Sorry.

2. If I have a stack of current work, I grade that before I grade late and makeup work. I have limited time at school to use grading, so I feel I owe that to the kids that turned stuff in on time to get their work graded. Right? If it wasn't important enough to you to get the work in on time, it isn't important enough for me to grade it the microsecond you turn it in. I feel that this is normal and reasonable.

So here's what happened this morning. I get an email from a mom listing all of the makeup and late work her son has turned in during the past week and asking me repeatedly why those scores haven't gone in yet.

I understand this. Your kid does work, or TELLS you he does work and you aren't seeing it show up online so you are concerned. Totally get this. Totally cool with these emails.

Here's what I'm not cool with:

"The reason I'm concerned with these scores not being updated is because we grounded him from his ipod until his grades improve, but the book he needs to read for English is on his ipod so until his scores go up he can't read his book for English and we are very worried about that. We really need his grades to go up so he can get his ipod back and read for English."

Ok. Hold up. I'm all for holding kids accountable for their grades. I'm all for positive/negative reinforcement. It's perfect for this age group. Pick something they love as a reward and take away their "essentials" (phones, ipods, friend time, even makeup) as punishments. More parents should do this. So I'm not really that mad.

But lets look at the facts here.

Your son CHOSE to ease up effort in my class.

You CHOSE to take his ipod as a way to punish him.

Now, it's my fault that he can't do his English homework? No. It's not. 

If you are too prideful to go back on your decision to take his ipod, that's not my fault.

If you took his ipod without knowing his book was on it, that's not my fault. 

If Billy chose to turn in assignments late that I gave them class time to complete, that's not my fault. 

Instead of trying to lean on the teacher to cover up your mistake and your kid's failure to complete assignments, why wouldn't you use this as a learning experience with your son?

"See, son? This is why its important to just stay on top of your work. Now you are waiting on someone else and someone else is responsible for your happiness. When you do what they say to do, you are in control. When you don't, you are at their mercy and can't control anything in the situation. Life. Consequences."

That's some deep shiz that you're missing out on, Billy's mom. And your email just made me really want to let that pile of late/missing work sit there for another day. But I won't. Because BILLY MUST READ. (Not sarcastic. I really want him to read.)

As Dry as the Books to Which I so Desperately Cling

Bonus points to anyone who can name that movie/book.

My skin is dry. Incidentally, I also love books so it was kind of perfect.

As it is warming up and I'm kind of sick of boots and leggings (I'll never REALLY be sick of leggings. Come on.), I decided it's time to take care of this wrinkled, fading, scaly skin/nails/hair of mine.

This week at the grocery store I impulsively bought the Garnier-Fructis Moroccan Oil because it was tiny and on sale and I'd spent every in-between moment at school picking at my dreadfully straw-like split ends. I'm the Tiger Woods of impulse buys - really good and no listening to my conscience. (zing!)

I'm sold. Seriously. I shampooed and conditioned my hair normally, then wrung it out and applied about 2 teaspoons into my damp locks, combing it through with my fingers and then wrapping it up in a towel for a few minutes.

Effects: My hair is pretty straight, so I can't speak to it's relaxing powers, but my hair dried silky soft and there is noticeably less damage on the lower third of my strands. I accidentally deposited too much on one part of my scalp (I was trying to concentrate on the bottom half, but failed) so it was slightly greasy - but one blast of my brand new Paul Mitchell Dry Shampoo solved that it under 5 seconds. Yahtzee.

The week before, I was wearing a tee shirt and looked down at my normally dry/scaly forearms to see DANDRUFF. Well, not dandruff. But my skin was literally flaking off. It was disgusting.

Enter Skin Milk. Purchased at our fancy local Smith's (super cheap), this body cream is thick, creamy and plain. With a slight vanilla smell and the real milk proteins, it made my skin feel (and smell) heavenly pretty much instantly. I  spread it on generously while my skin is still damp from the shower to lock in moisture. My skin has much more life and feels less like an alligator. The Beard approves. Glen wants to lick it because he thinks it's frosting.

As for my peeling, dry, hangnail prone fingertips - it's all about the cuticle oil and cutting down on harsh nail polish removers. I try to only use nail polish remover about every 2 weeks, giving my nail beds a few days to chill before very carefully polishing them so the color will last and not chip. Every couple of days I dot a drop of Orly cuticle oil or cuticle lotion on my beds and trim off any dead skin.

If you get peeling nails or lots of dead skin hang nails along your nail beds this is a necessity.

On a semi-related note:

Do not get L'Oreal Sublime Bronze self-tanner. Don't do it. It might be on sale. You might think "Wow. L'Oreal is a pretty good brand. This is probably a step up from my Jergens standby. I'll give it a try. Only $4, so it can't hurt, right?"

Wrong. It can. It can make you look like you have hickies and also got attacked by an army of cinnamon-sugar toast. I really was trying to be careful too. (It looked worse in person. Trust me.)

The Jamba Juice girl made me realize what my students were whispering about. It wasn't Justin Bieber. It was my "hickies." Yikes.

Don't forget to enter the Giveaway!!!

Spring Giveaway! $300 to Apricot Lane

I've teamed up with Apricot Lane and a group of bloggers to bring something extra chic to your spring. One very lucky reader will have the chance to enjoy a $300 Spring Spree to Apricot Lane Boutique in Provo, Utah.

To enter, simply use the Rafflecopter below. Points will be earned for each item completed--the more you do, the closer you'll get to winning your very own shopping spree.

The $300 Spring Spree Giveaway will run until midnight of Friday, April 26th, and it is open to Utah local participants.  The winner will be announced and contacted via email the following Saturday, April 27th. 

Wishing you luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway 

Terms & Conditions: The Spring Spree Giveaway is for one $300 gift card to Apricot Lane Boutique in Provo, Utah. The gift card must be spent in-store at the Apricot Lane Boutique location in Provo, Utah. The giveaway will run from Friday, April 19th to Friday, April 26th. The winner will be announced the following Saturday on this Rafflecopter widget. All mandatory entries must be completed in order to win, including the winning entry. All entries will be verified, so please be honest in completing the entries.  To claim your prize, please respond to the email within 24 hours. Failure to do so will result in another winner being chosen. Once the winner has been selected, the decision is final. This giveaway is not affiliated with Facebook, Bloglovin', Google, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or any other social media platform.

How to Interpret the Finals Week Posts In Your Feed

It's that time of year. The lovely, refreshing, rebirth of all the idiots who try to out-finals one another.

For your convenience, I put together a basic list of interpretations:

"I have 27 papers, 14 projects and 9 finals this week! Omg!" = I'm an idiot that can't read a course catalog.

"I slept 5 hours in the last 2 days! Soooooo TiReD!" = I'm an idiot that can't manage my time.

*Picture of $300 worth of junk food* "Must be finals week LOL" = I'm an idiot that needs constant sugar breaks to help my short attention span while "studying." BONUS - also an idiot that will act pissed about getting sick during/after finals while treating my body like crap before/during finals.

"Looks like I'll be cramming all night!" = I'm an idiot that was lazy all semester and did nothing to study or prepare for class.

"Here comes finals! I'm SCREWED! Wish me luck!" = I'm an idiot that is scared and desperately needs others to diminish their feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

"You know you're screwed when you don't even recognize some words on the review! #help" = I'm an idiot that never went to class because I slept through it even though it was at 11 am.

"My professor is INSANE! How can you assign this much for FINALS WEEK?!" = I'm an idiot who doesn't understand the rigor of a college education and has to blame mistakes on others.

"Just failed that final, and guess what? I don't even care! YOLO!" = I'm an idiot that is intensely concerned about that test score and feels like the idiot that I am.

"I handed in my papers late and 50% done, but whatever because I'M GRADUATEDDDDDD!!!!" = I'm an idiot that you will now have to deal with in the professional workforce. Congratulations.

Sometimes, Always, Never - Vegas the Mormon Way

I remember my first trip to Las Vegas - The lights! The color! The boobs! As a 6 year old I was particularly impressed with the enormous castle - Excalibur.

Even better I remember my single ladies trip to Las Vegas with my bestie Katie, who had never been.

"There is PORNOGRAPHY LINING THE STREETS!"


As a Mormon, Vegas can be a scary place with the boobs, butts and general grossness.  You can't go to clubs, you can't drink, you can't gamble, why even go? I'll tell you how and why YOU can do a Mormon Vegas Vacation.


The Beard and I decided to use an expiring voucher we had for 2 free nights at a Vegas hotel over Spring Break. We haven't been on a trip just the two of us since we've been married (over a year and a half! Thanks a lot Larry H Miller. We don't miss you), so we leaped at the chance.

My parents graciously agreed to watch Glen Coco, although after he marked EVERY territory in their house I doubt they'll have him back. And we were off! (Listening to Harry Potter audiobooks, obvs.)

This is how he likes to ride in the car - wedged between Ryan and the backrest

My Travel/Vacation uniform - black skinnies (Old Navy), gray v-neck (Gap), chambray top (F21), tortoise sunnies (Cotton On) and flipflops (Pac Sun)

Without further ado, here is my Sometimes-Always-Never for a Mormon trip to Las Vegas!

Sometimes

• Try out a piano bar! We went to Napoleon's in the Parisian and saw the dueling piano act. It's free, although they expect you to get drinks. A $3 can of Diet Coke was a bit ridiculous, but the dueling pianos were pretty awesome. They even take requests! Be prepared for a lot of Neil Diamond and people getting stupid drunk
• Walk through hotels/casinos. Even if you don't gamble or aren't staying there, those hotels are amazing! My favorites are the Parisian, New York New York, Caeser's Palace and now the Cosmopolitan! It's new and incredible.
• See a show, but make sure you read some reviews. I've always wanted to see a Cirque show, but I've heard a few of them can be a little racy. Many of the shows in Vegas are, so be selective. 
• Check out the LDS Temple! We didn't have time to drive out to it when we were there and I really wished we could have gone! Next time. :)

 Always

• Walk the Strip. There is no better people watching in the entire world. Pick a small section or marathon through the whole thing. Just walking with no real destination is hilarious, because you'll see yahoos like Bumblebee just chillin'. 

• While you're at it, see the free shows! The Bellagio Fountains, Atlantis inside Caeser's Palace and the pirate show outside Treasure Island.
• Also while you're at it, get some of the limitless candy at the Sugar Factory. That's all I should need to say. 

•  Plan for and try a fancy restaurant. The Beard saw Hash House a Go Go on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (one of our faves) and fell immediately in love with their enormous Chicken n' Waffles, Meatloaf sandwich and more. He's wanted to go ever since, so we planned it into our trip and budget. It made it way more fun than just grabbing a quick, cheap bite somewhere, because we looked forward to it and it was AMAZING. Really. 

• Wear something edgier than you can wear at home because - duh- its Vegas! I went with leather leggings and a skull tee since I can't ever wear those to school. Well, and maintain some degree of respect. :)

It was late. That's my only excuse for this washed out face. 

Did I do my hair at all this trip? It's a vacation. No. 

• Plan for everything to be overpriced. Vegas is where you go to splurge, not save. If you are budgeting, bring your own snacks and drinks for the hotel room.

Never

• Wear heels on the Strip, or when you have no idea what your night will be like. I even wore my trusty, comfy wedges, and I've worn flat boots before, and my dogs were barking before the night was up. 
• Take or look at the fliers and pamphlets being waved in your face. Trust me. Just pretend they don't exist.
• Get a smoking room. Vegas smoking rooms are worse than smoking rooms anywhere else. It's like secondhand-smoke nation up there.
• Stay on the Strip past 1 am. That's when the funny to crazy ratio on the Strip gets really scary.

Why I'm Not a Hipster Reason #274

Actual Conversation Yesterday:

The Beard shows me this picture/caption of Ron & Hermione-

"When two people are in love with each other but are too shy to admit it, although they still show it."

"Awwwwww cute right?!!!" - Beard

{He always expects like extra credit for showing me HP stuff. It shouldn't be extra. He should be just as obsessed with it as I am.}

"Awwww! Wait. Wait...... that's what skinny love means?" - me

"Yeah. Like when you like each other but don't say it and it's like fragile you know?" - Beard

{Also he kind of IS a hipster and loves this song and Bon Iver.}

"Ohhhhh..... I just thought it was like his girlfriend was really tiny or whatever." - me.

"Oh my...! Are you serious?!" - Beard *Embarrassed shock and laughter*

In case you aren't familiar with the song, here it is. I think I'm justified in thinking he's singing about his girlfriend. I never "get" the "deep, intellectual, symbolic" meanings of folk/hipster music.

The Beard has written one song about me and I hate it because it sounds so sad and depressing.
"No it's a beautiful love song! It's deep."
Sure it is. Sure.
Maybe I just want a love song that is pretty straightforward and awesome like this, then. Will you give it a try, Beard?
Sorry, this is my new favorite song. Yes, I'm embarrassed. No, I'm never going to stop loving it.

Workout Wednesday: Kickboxing or Watch Out, Criminals

This post is a little late for a Workout Wednesday, but I wanted to write after I got back from my first ever Kickboxing class!

Glen was all kinds of concerned about these scary black things

My good friend invited me to try it and boy, am I glad she did. I signed up pretty much instantly for $30 which included these free boxing gloves and 5 classes.

They also include disheveled hair and running makeup, if you were wondering...

I've liked kickboxing for a long time - I used to do Tae Bo with my mom occasionally back in the 90s, and more recently I did a kickboxing DVD workout that was on Netflix (curse you for removing all the workout videos, Netflix. How dare you). Apparently I'm naturally aggressive, because punching and kicking stuff is just way too fun and cathartic. 

The class started with a few jogging, high knees, grapevine and butt kicker laps around the studio. Then we did some Cross-Fit style training for about 5-10 minutes of mountain climbers, triangle pushups and V-ups. We did some light stretching and then hit the bags. 

LITERALLY. 

The class moves from activity to activity for the whole hour, so you're responsible for taking breaks and water when you need them. They were really helpful and took the time to make sure I understood each sequence (jab-cross-hook-hook-knee-kick-jab-jab-what?), which I really appreciated. 

I felt like it was an amazing cardio workout, without the misery of running. Yahtzee. I know my muscles got a great workout because I could barely climb out of my car once I was home. 

The only drawback is that they really push to have you sign up for a membership - and it's pretty pricey. If I was trying to get in shape for something really pressing and worth the money - like a wedding or a cruise or to lose huge amounts of weight - I'd do it in a heartbeat. 

Their classes were fast-paced, so you never get a chance to feel bored or tired (it was almost over by the time I finally looked at the clock to see how much time remained), and they give you an awesome workout. It was also incredibly cathartic for "Freestyle Time" to just punch the crap out of that bag however I wanted. :)

I highly recommend the temporary pass for 3 or 5 classes and free gloves. Sign up at ILoveKickboxing.com and choose whichever location works best for you. I'm signed up in Sandy if you want to join me. :)

The Pitz

Easter had a very special meaning for me this year - probably more than it ever has before.

This year it meant so much to me because I feel like I finally, truly understood how much I need the Atonement. A desperate need. Because I was in the bottom of The Pit.

I've always been a "good girl." Read my scriptures. Went to church. Paid attention in Sunday School and seminary. I really tried hard to develop my testimony and do what was right. But for whatever reason, I always kind of knew I wasn't "converted." I knew I'd be a lifelong member - don't get me wrong - but I didn't feel like I was that bad of a person, didn't feel like I needed the church or repentance or anything like that. I prayed out of habit and never really expected anything in return.

Last Sunday, a week before Easter, I woke up feeling absolutely worthless, with no real cause. I can't really explain it, but I just had this tangible clarity. I saw myself as I really was. Every bad thing I've done. Every stupid thing I've said (and you could fill books longer and more numerous than the works of Tolkien with them). Even worse, all the embarrassing moments and things about me that just make me cringe.

I'm just not a good person. I'm simply not. Even when I'm trying to be, it seems fake and shallow, which is why so many people see through it. I'm so arrogant. Such a know-it-all. I think I'm invulnerable and perfect. I just try so hard to be liked and included. When I'm not, I just point the finger back at them while still striving to win their approval. No wonder they don't like me. Why would they? I'm nothing if not entirely self-serving.

To sum it all up, I felt worthless. Absolutely worthless. And the worst part? These terrible things about me aren't usually conscious choices, but ingrained facets of my personality and unhealthy habits. For the first time ever I saw myself as "The Natural Man." I have never felt so humbled and scared.

One of my favorite parables of the Atonement is the natural man who digs himself a hole with every bad decision, every mistake, always believing that he has the power, in and of himself, to save himself - to get out of that hole. Eventually, he realizes that his hole is now a pit, and he can't stop digging, let alone get out on his own. No ladder is tall enough. No man-made way out. After an impassioned plea, the only one who can save him, The Savior, appears and lifts him from his hopeless state.

That's where I was. Annoying Danica. Prideful, worldly, snarky, hypocritical Danica. At the bottom of that pit, hopeless. My mistakes span decades. I've squandered so many opportunities to be a good teammate, a righteous example, a faithful friend, an encouraging big sister, a helpful daughter and an optimistic social media user. I've been so fake and so really awful. My shortcomings so totally outweigh my righteous intentions.

"How can I fix those years of being the worst? Even if I could fix these awful mistakes, which I don't intentionally make and have no idea how to change, there's no way my family and friends can change their opinions of me now, not after years of me being so obnoxious. Where do I go from here? Burn everything and start over?" I asked to no one in particular, as I wiped away slow tears.

Then it came so soft and strong, not even from a voice or another person, other than perhaps the Holy Ghost drawing it out of me. It was MY voice, MY head, MY spirit that sat up, after much neglect and ambivalence.

"Obviously, Jesus Christ is your only option. THIS is what all your Sunday School teachers and General Conference talks were referencing. THIS is the Atonement. He is the only one that can erase those mistakes, those embarrassing moments and your every shortcoming. But it works. And it will work for you, too."



I've read about the Atonement. In detail. I've had the awesome EFY Atonement devotional experience. I've testified of my personal knowledge of the Atonement. But until that moment I didn't know that I knew. And I especially didn't know that I needed it so desperately.

But I do know. And I'm so grateful. This week has been so much lighter and better, not JUST because of Spring Break and our awesome vacation (post coming soon), but also because I was so humbled and recommitted to watch myself, repent, try harder, and just to be a better person. I was filled with hope, knowing that His sacrifice covers me and if I do what I need to, I can erase all the stupid stuff I've done.

Those of you who know me in real life - I've done a lot of this stupid stuff to you. You know how insufferable I can be. I know an internet apology really isn't anything at all, but I offer it nonetheless. I'm sorry for being such an obnoxious, hypocritical friend to you all. I do know now what a lame person I am and I'm really going to try to fix it.

Thank you so much for being so good to me anyways. I don't deserve such awesome friends and family, but I am certainly grateful every day for you. I know you are racking up the points in heaven just for being so cool to me when I'm the worst.

So here's to a new me - newer than any New Year, new school year, etc. I'm re-reading all of the October 2012 conference talks to prepare for conference this weekend and studying repentance, forgiveness, true conversion and charity like my life depends on it. Because, really, it does.

Thank goodness for my Savior, Jesus Christ, His magnificent Atonement, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my amazing husband who loves me every day and for all of you.