Teacher Probz

This cough is MURDERING ME. It was ever so kind as to wake me up with a hacking fit at 2 am this morning to mark the 2 week anniversary of us being together. Sweet, right?

I've tried everything Pinterest, God and pharmacies have to offer and still - coughing constantly and sounding like Kurt Cobain. Two sick days, an entire pack of Dayquil, garlic/lemon/honey tea, Vicks VapoRub on my feet with socks overnight, tribal dances, nothing is doing it for me.

I've missed a couple of days of school, and there's been quite the pile of grading creeping up on me. I'm trying desperately to catch up on it - and I'll succeed today. However, one email from an illogical mother has tempted me to leave it all there, collecting dust.

Let's call her son Billy. Billy has dropped the ball a bit in the last month or so. He's failed to turn in assignments, performed poorly on quizzes and done about half of the work on the assignments he did turn in. Billy is actually really smart and a fun kid. I really like him. He's just fallen into this lull that all the kids are going through right now.

"It's getting warmer. All the girls are pushing the dress code. School is almost out. I better give up this strong pattern I've been maintaining and just lose my mind completely." - every middle school student right now.

Over the past week or so, he's been realizing how bad his grade has gotten and come in to do makeup work and turn in all his late assignments. I haven't entered his updated work for 2 very valid, normal reasons:

1. I've been sick and missed 2 days of school - during which time I not only teach and plan, but also grade all the work as it comes in. I'm usually always on top of grading. Unfortunately not when I'm passed out on the couch in front of The Office with my nose leaking. Gross. Sorry.

2. If I have a stack of current work, I grade that before I grade late and makeup work. I have limited time at school to use grading, so I feel I owe that to the kids that turned stuff in on time to get their work graded. Right? If it wasn't important enough to you to get the work in on time, it isn't important enough for me to grade it the microsecond you turn it in. I feel that this is normal and reasonable.

So here's what happened this morning. I get an email from a mom listing all of the makeup and late work her son has turned in during the past week and asking me repeatedly why those scores haven't gone in yet.

I understand this. Your kid does work, or TELLS you he does work and you aren't seeing it show up online so you are concerned. Totally get this. Totally cool with these emails.

Here's what I'm not cool with:

"The reason I'm concerned with these scores not being updated is because we grounded him from his ipod until his grades improve, but the book he needs to read for English is on his ipod so until his scores go up he can't read his book for English and we are very worried about that. We really need his grades to go up so he can get his ipod back and read for English."

Ok. Hold up. I'm all for holding kids accountable for their grades. I'm all for positive/negative reinforcement. It's perfect for this age group. Pick something they love as a reward and take away their "essentials" (phones, ipods, friend time, even makeup) as punishments. More parents should do this. So I'm not really that mad.

But lets look at the facts here.

Your son CHOSE to ease up effort in my class.

You CHOSE to take his ipod as a way to punish him.

Now, it's my fault that he can't do his English homework? No. It's not. 

If you are too prideful to go back on your decision to take his ipod, that's not my fault.

If you took his ipod without knowing his book was on it, that's not my fault. 

If Billy chose to turn in assignments late that I gave them class time to complete, that's not my fault. 

Instead of trying to lean on the teacher to cover up your mistake and your kid's failure to complete assignments, why wouldn't you use this as a learning experience with your son?

"See, son? This is why its important to just stay on top of your work. Now you are waiting on someone else and someone else is responsible for your happiness. When you do what they say to do, you are in control. When you don't, you are at their mercy and can't control anything in the situation. Life. Consequences."

That's some deep shiz that you're missing out on, Billy's mom. And your email just made me really want to let that pile of late/missing work sit there for another day. But I won't. Because BILLY MUST READ. (Not sarcastic. I really want him to read.)

Book Review/Pizza Night: Batting for the Other Team (Yikes)

Yesterday we went to our first book club meeting (missing the first one due to weather... booooo) and it was so great. I mentioned that I want to join 4 more book clubs and the Beard said, very wisely,

"Book clubs are to you what fantasy baseball is to me!"

And you know what? He's right. So anyone else that wants to start a book club with me - please let's? Email me. I'm totally down.

We read "The Art of Fielding" by Chad Harbach. It's a book about the intertwining lives of various characters at a small university in the midwest - including/surrounding the university's baseball team. I had high hopes when I began the book - it was all about this amazing shortstop Henry Skrimshander. The book is so fun for the first couple hundred pages! But, alas, it cannot last. Tragedy strikes and all of their lives fall into disarray. Heartbreak, death, loneliness, anxiety, depression, and terrible conduct ensues.

You can imagine the Beard's reaction when I tricked him into reading the book "It's about baseball!" only to have the baseball emphasis dwindle and the gay love affair emphasis swell about 200 pages in. Lolzies. Ryan is a homophobe, for all you new readers out there. Also, Ryan is obsessed with baseball and takes it INCREDIBLY SERIOUSLY. So to have his baseball paradise infiltrated with a gay love story - it was kind of the perfect storm.

At dinner we concluded that the story was good and the characters were interesting, but so many sections of the book were just wildly unrealistic and almost designated to become a screenplay. Overall, I would give the book a 7/10. I loved the baseball, the team esprit-de-corps, even the love stories before they fall apart. But the pain and guilt and trauma was too real, too long and too unsatisfying. Try it if you are interested in baseball, gay relationships, the internal personal struggle, or Moby Dick (a huge theme/inspiration in the book).

By far the best part of the book was discussing it at Pizzeria Limone - wow. We've heard great things but man, were we impressed. I got the Viola - a delicious pizza including proscuitto and blackberries. BLACKBERRIES!

We took the Trax because we take the Trax literally anytime we are able because we're obsessed with it. Can't wait until the Draper station opens up in August because it's seriously 3 minutes from our house. Yahtzee.

 

Shirt: AE, Skirt: Banana Republic, Boots: Forever Young, Bag: Coach, Coat: Old Navy

 

On the train home, while we were still in downtown SLC two kids climbed onto the train. They were probably about 13 or 14 and were very rowdy. The Beard was convinced they were high, although when I deny things like that I have to accept that I have never been good at noticing those things. They were bugging passengers, giggling furiously, swearing, and just generally being teen messes.

It was after 9 pm. On a Monday night. Downtown SLC. These boys were just riding the Trax around for fun, according to their conversation. And everyone just rolled their eyes at these little punks.

But I couldn't. It hit me in the heart. These were just like so many of my students. And they WERE freaking annoying. But what is your life like if riding around on Trax at 9 pm on Monday nights in downtown semi-sketchy SLC is better than being home? I just felt so responsible and sad for them.

You can take Danica out of her classroom, but I guess you can't take the classroom out of Danica.

Make good choices, sketchy Trax boys! Somewhere a random History teacher is thinking about you in a non-creepy way!

The 3 People You Meet at Parent Teacher Conferences

I have concluded that there are really only 3 types of parents that come to Parent Teacher Conference. There will be your anomalies and different flavors, but they'll all fit generally into these 3 categories. For your reading convenience they are listed from the easiest to the hardest. Enjoy.

#1 The Mandatory Parents

"Yes. Your child has 110% so everything really is fine. Thank you for coming. Bye."

These parents will go to every academic event, every school function AND bring their entire family. Always. Their kids are always at the top of the class and talking to the teachers is kind of a waste of time, but they do it anyway. Although I roll my eyes at them, I really appreciate them and their dedication to their student's education.

#2 The Interrogation Parents

"So he's telling me there is never any homework and that everyone is failing and that he's turned in everything and you just haven't graded it. Is that true?"

"Well..... no. Actually none of that is true. At all. Even a little bit."

These parents have kids that try to pull a fast one on them, but they use Parent Teacher Conference to attack confront their child in front of the teacher. It seems that tension has existed in their relationship for a while and the parents use this to spearhead the imminent conflict. With me watching. These kids might be B students or D students, but they get an A+ for Awkwardness and embarrassment.

#3 The Two Face Parents

"I know he is failing/he's just been so stressed/we had to move/we're getting a divorce/I'll have him stay after school/She's going to be grounded until this changes/I will make SURE she is up in time to get to your class first period/He's just been SO sick/Thank you so much for your help!"

These parents are the worst kind. They come in 100% on the teacher's side. They coo and simper and agree and justify. Their guilt (mixed with true parental concern, I am sure) forces them to Parent Teacher Conferences because they know they aren't doing everything they should as a parent, but they want to cover that up. And they probably honestly want to do better.

Today they are an attentive parent and a true ally, but tomorrow the kid will be late or absent from the first period class their mom PROMISED to get them to on time. Tomorrow their brand new iPhone won't be taken away as promised. This weekend they won't spend grounded and "working on homework," but instead having a great unsupervised weekend.

But even these parents, working 12+ hour days and cleaning pencil penises off my desks can't make me quit smiling over the 100% test scores, high fives and lightbulb moments I get every day. :)

There's an Alien Inside of Me! (Spoiler Alert: Not a Baby)

Nope, not pregnant. That is a quote from Modern Family, a favorite show, referencing the movie Alien, a favorite movie.

Thanks for all your concern on Instagram and Twitter. Here is the update - alive, not dying yet.

So I've basically been sick for a month. I had the flu over three weeks ago, kicked it just in time for a mild head cold to take center stage the week before Valentines, and then I was feeling almost better just in time to head down to St. George for the long President's Day weekend.

Huge Con of Being a Teacher: Sometimes it doesn't matter how many times a day you use hand sanitizer, how often you make them clean their desks, how much Vitamin C you take and how much sleep you try to get. Kids are germ factories and virus vehicles. You will get sick and remain at least 40% unwell from November-March.

But last week I got a new kind of sick. Everything I ate made my stomach hurt - not just churning or upset - like physical stabbing pains. The thought, smell and sight of food made me nauseous and I could barely eat. Sometimes the stomach pains were so bad I couldn't stand up straight and had to go lie down. Crackers, Pepto, Tums - nothing worked. I wasn't even sleeping because the pains were waking me up every few hours.

This continued, getting worse and better at times until I finally went to Instacare on Wednesday. Let's quickly review my symptoms - stomach pain, nausea, indigestion, weakness and headaches.

The doctor (a man. I'm sexist and always prefer women doctors/nurses) came back with the diagnosis of a urinary tract infection (UTI).

I almost laughed in his face. "Am I getting punked? Where's Ashton?!!!"

But my amusement quickly turned to anger as he wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic, told me to keep taking Tums and sent me on my way. Really? REALLY?!

Thursday I had a sub and spent most of the day on the couch sipping cranberry juice. Friday when I got to school I was dying, so the teachers kindly took care of my sub and told me to go get looked at.

Back at Instacare they found more white blood cells in my blood than is normal, indicating an infection. My stomach pains got worse and worse as they poked and prodded me.

"Does it hurt.... here? .... here?" "YES DAMMIT IT HURTS EVERYWHERE YOU POKE."

They send me over to Altaview Hospital to drink Iodine-Crystal Light cocktails and get a CT scan, where the cute and concerned Beard meets me. They make me leave the intrusive IV in my arm *just in case*, which sucks.

They find nothing, even as I sit there writhing in uncomfortable pain.

Eff my life. So I spent my weekend sleeping and chewing Tums, drinking lots of water and cursing Intermountain Health Care.

But I'm back at school this week, somewhat functioning, feeling a little better and praying I survive through Parent-Teacher Conferences this Wednesday/Thursday. (Friday off snitches! Sometimes being a teacher is rad.)

More #jrhighprobs for Your Reading Pleasure

A few weeks ago my bestie Katie suggested that I write more about the funny things that happen at school. I'll oblige.

I think a lot of people still view school, and history classes in particular as super ineffective, useless and boring. Textbooks and movies and date memorization. In reality, education has come a long way. We focus on small-group collaboration, DOING rather than TELLING, and focusing on big themes and concepts rather than date/fact memorization. The new "big thing" is standards-based grading - meaning we ONLY grade whether they meet the standard or not - no behavior, homework, effort,

Last week we were studying the theme of Movement as we did our Europe unit, so we had a lesson about things that originated in Europe and are now seen as "American" and are important to our lives. The list included things like blue jeans, hamburgers and hot dogs, the music of the Beatles, Adele, One Direction, Led Zeppelin, etc, and principles of government like democracy and republics.

We mapped these at their origins and then the assignment was to write one page on something that came from Europe that they think is important to America today.

Here are a few funny exerpts from their papers (I did not correct their original spelling or grammar, fyi)

• France is a very "legit" place.
• Your not American if you don't at least know what a hamburger is.
• The hamburger is the ultimate sandwich it is no ordinary sandwich, it has a big slab of beef that is so good that it will tickle your tastebuds.
• Hamburgers are so jucie and meaty, and just really good and talking about this is makeing me really hungry.
• Cheeseburgers are one of the main reasons in the US for Obesity. Cheeseburgers in my opinion are amazing.
• One Diretion sings like angles.
• One Direction is probably the second best thing that has happened to American girls. Justin Bieber is probably the best thing thats happen to us. 
• Adele also came from England. She writes songs that make people want to cry.
• Adele has perfect skin she has no acne.
• The Sex Pistols music is crap, I won't sugar-coat it. They sound like an infint walrus being thrown into a blender while still consious and I love them for it.
• Music has saved many lives throughout the years. Yes, it may also lead other to a more worse depression, but overall, most lives are saved from it. 
• Girls wouldn't have their cute diamond butt jeans and guys wouldn't have their silly saggy jeans.
• Fences make it so you don't need to look or talk to them if you don't like them. 
• With a fence you can keep the neighbors dog of your lawn and poop free.
• If your yard looks uglie you should protect and block with a fence.
• Democracy is one of the greatest things America has, and I hope we never lose it.
• Democracy made our lives so much better because we would have a king and we would have a good chans that he would be mean. 
• Republics are important to our government. We need both (meaning democracy) to balance it out so we don't go crazy and start shooting.  

So many days I wonder what I'm doing. If I'm having a positive effect on their lives. If they are even learning. If I can overcome the overwhelming circumstances in their lives that inhibit education.

Then I read stuff like this and realize that I couldn't pay for better entertainment. And for the most part, despite the spelling and grammar, they understood the assignment and will remember the theme of movement and globalization every time they listen to One Direction. Maybe even Democracy. :)

Then I feel better and love my kids for a few more days. Until another penis is drawn on my desks. 

What are Marijuana Tablets?

What if, as a teacher, I took a strange liking to one of my students?

What if he was underage and I was a weirdo 40-something?

What if I followed him on Twitter?

What if I, after weirdly stalking his Twitter feed, noticed he had a party at his house over the weekend and one of his sketchy friends tweeted about having ecstasy at said party?

Would I ask the sketchy kid who tweeted about it? Would I ask the student who had the party, who is my student and and I respect?

Would I submit a concern to the administration, the people who's job is to deal with student discipline?

Or would I decide to announce to not one, but ALL of my classes the next day about the "ecstasy party" and the bad high school kids who would throw such a party, based solely on a tweet I saw while STALKING a TEENAGE BOY'S twitter feed?

No. The answer is - I wouldn't.

Because I'm not a psycho who follows her teenage male students on Twitter.

Because I have half a brain and understand that MAYBE a teenage boy can tweet something that isn't true simply for the comedic value. Call me crazy.

Because I would ask the real person who tweeted about ecstasy, not the respectable, stand-up young man who works so hard in my AP class and has never done anything remotely delinquent.

Because if I were concerned, I would address that stand-up young man personally, privately to ascertain the truth.

Because sharing that a kid who had a party last weekend (everyone knew about the party AND who threw it) was a bad kid and had drugs and alcohol at his party MIGHT be considered slander and is a generally terrible thing to share even if it WERE true. Which it isn't.

Because what would happen if that untrue information started being spread around town by people who don't know the stand-up young gentleman and might believe it?

Because I'm not only a normal human being, but I understand that as an educator I have a reasonable duty to be a positive influence and have a shred of integrity.

There is someone at Maple Mountain High School who does not share these values (also called common sense).

It's a good thing my little brother is the amazing kid that he is.

It's a good thing he has built such a good, honest, strong reputation that most people know he would never have ECSTASY at a party, or even be anywhere near it.

It's a good thing he's so mellow and such a good sport, which has enabled him to roll with this.

It's a good thing it wasn't me. Because she'd be sitting in front of the Board of Education explaining why she did all the aforementioned things.

My brother is the best kid I know, a worthy priesthood holder and a total drug-free rock star. And no, there was not ecstasy at his very clean, very Mormon party.

So the next time you want to make up some crap about a student and spread that around the school like a 13 year old girl, you better pick a different target than Mitchell Jeffrey Budge. 

Because no one messes with my family and gets away with it. You think this is bad? I get all my feisty from my momma. And you haven't even had to deal with her yet. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

Back to School

I haven't posted in 2 weeks, so you might have guessed that school is in full swing. Starting last week, I was at the school every day working on all kinds of stuff, going to meetings, and drinking lots and lots of caffeine. Turns out if you spend your whole summer sleeping as late as you want, being at school at 7:20 am is pretty rough.

This first week is sort of killing me. I'm out of "teacher shape." But it's so fun to be back! It's weird how quick you can fall back into teacher mode.

First day of school outfit! Yes I planned this days in advance, just like 2nd grade. I miss you Tweety Bird backpack.

I love my new heels, and wore them the entire first day. And by wore them I mean I stood, paced and ran all over the school in them. At the end of the day I didn't have blisters, but my dogs were barking and ONE OF MY TOES WAS NUMB. And it hasn't gone away! The interwebs says it's normal and it's just temporary nerve damage. So I guess I just get used to it for now? WTF

I came home to a clean house, warm delicious homemade dinner (by the Beard) and a beautiful new bamboo plant, which I talk about buying every time we go to Harmon's. Ryan's kindness healed my foot! He didn't even get mad when I fell asleep on him several times. What a guy.

Starting new, I just keep thinking of last year. I learned so much last year, and I keep making mental notes of all the things I would like to do differently. *Kind of long. Probs only teachers will fully understand this. But it applies to life.*

1. Be more serious. Last year it was hard to not feel like an intern. It was hard to take myself as a teacher seriously, because I felt that many people in the staff and administration weren't taking me seriously. Like I was just a cheap placeholder. As long as I wasn't causing problems or making waves, they could just forget about me. Teaching is a profession, and one we should take pride in. We get to change lives and be someone vitally important in these  teen's lives. It means dressing more professionally (even though I was overdressed compared to much of the staff last year), paying real attention in my meetings and stepping up to help where I can in the school.
2. Be on time. It's so easy to roll in a little late, especially as the year goes on. I don't clock in. No one is waiting at my door. Yet, the days when I am on time run much more smoothly. Not to mentions it is a measure of honesty and integrity that I can improve upon. 
3. Plan in advance. I hate to admit this, but I don't think I'm alone in "flying by the seat of my pants" many days. It wasn't uncommon to have no idea what we were doing next week, not to mention days that I didn't even read through the PowerPoint for the following day. I was so tired and overwhelmed sometimes, but in reality it only made me more stressed and exhausted to feel unprepared and naive. I've never been a formal lesson planner, but this year I'm thinking out my agenda for each day and outlining it briefly. I already feel more confident about it. 
4. Spend more time with my students. The best memories from last year were times that I was interacting with my students, even if it wasn't directly related to the curriculum. I want to meet my kids at the door - it makes a huge difference. I want to ask them about themselves and follow up with what's going on in their lives. I want them to feel comfortable with me (not in a friend way, don't misunderstand me), and to know that I value them.
5. Emphasize positivity. Last year I figured this out halfway through the year. I had the choice of spending another semester stressing about assignments, tests and notes, or I could have fun teaching. And I did! I reinforced my important rules, and then let everything else go. We started having a great time learning, and I think the kids appreciated it even more than I did. 
6. Be a better example. This school is very different than Mapleton Junior High. A large section of the staff and student body are nonmembers, and it really made me examine my conduct. Do I want to be one of those Mormons that reinforces their views of bigoted hypocrites? No! I want to be a good person, a great teacher and a fun friend that is also a Latter-day Saint. 
7. Take care of myself. Last year I would wait until I was sick to sufficiently hydrate and sleep. I wasn't super vigilant about hand sanitizer. I would veg on the couch when I was tired after school, instead of making myself exercise. I drank WAY too much DDP. I'm trying to set a healthier pattern. I've even gone to the gym on my way home after school! (It helps that I get off at 3:30 and the Beard works till 10)

To my new teacher and prospective teacher friends - don't get frustrated because your idealistic view isn't materializing. It won't for a while. And don't get bogged down in the administrative logistical details of daily teacher life. Take some time to remember why you are doing this and what you (and the kids) will remember in 5 years. I'm going to strive to remember our district motto:

Every child, everyday. 

Mockumentary vs. Documentary

In the past 6 months I have watched more documentaries than in my previous life combined. With my great love of Mockumentaries like The Office, Parks and Rec., Arrested Development, etc, I suppose the taste continues to their real counterparts - documentaries.

Netflix has an AWESOME collection of documentaries and I watch them for both business and pleasure. For history teachers, documentaries are gold. When a new unit is coming up, I watch documentaries to brush up on information and to look for potential documentaries that I'd like to show my students. Ryan and I also watch documentaries for fun pretty regularly.

Here are some suggestions and warnings for you:

Loved (fun):

It Might Get Loud - a rock-n-roll documentary (think real Spinal Tap, with less humor) that is pretty awesome. Watching Jack White play makeshift instruments is absolutely mesmerizing. Definitely worth a watch.

Exit Through the Gift Shop - ok, we haven't ACTUALLY watched this one. It's been in our queue for ages, and we really will get around to it. But I've heard great things from multiple sources and can't wait to watch it.

Loved (to learn):

National Geographic: Stress, Portrait of a Killer - super enlightening documentary about what stress does to our bodies and the change in stressors since primitive times. Really cool.

Project XX - these period-specific documentaries are awesome. I showed some of "The Great War" edition in class. They include real footage, cultural elements and actually HELPFUL commentary. They don't even feel like a dry, educational documentary.

Hated:

Waiting for Superman - this documentary chronicling the *failure* of the public school system in the US is so frustrating. As a teacher I can definitely sympathize. Our system is a bit of a mess. There are issues to be dealt with. But the spend far more time criticizing bad teachers and districts, very little time on good teachers and districts, and absolutely no time at all speculating about possible alternatives. In the end, you're left with this empty-handed discontent. What was the point of that?

Bowling for Columbine - after the recent Ohio school shooting I decided to watch this famous Michael Moore piece. I didn't even finish it. I can't stand the guy. I get his style. I get the drama. School shootings and violence are a problem. But this is sensationalist, muckracking, yellow journalism. Again, the only positive outlook is when he compares the awful United States to more successful, less violent nations, showing that it IS in fact possible to be peaceful. If you're not going to make this for a positive reason, shut the front door. I don't want it.

What about y'all? Agree? Disagree? Suggestions? I'd love to hear some more that I should look up.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Last week I snagged a cell phone from a student. This was the first time in a while because I took like 6 phones in the first few weeks of school and word got out to not text in my class because I'm mean. Mission accomplished.

I tweeted requesting ideas for creative punishment. Obviously it is their property and I would never realistically do anything beyond school policy of taking it to the front office, but that wouldn't make the blog.

Here are a few of the suggestions I received from friends as creative punishments I could do to their phone:

1. Cat Facts. This was probably my favorite suggestion. Thanks, Mitch!
2. Put my name as "God" in their phone and text them sage advice/commandments. In the words of Miss Amanda Wallace, "It's not sacrilegious if it's something He would say." Lolz. Follow her.
3. Delete their birthday on Facebook so no one posts on their birthday. (I once changed Jeanette's birthday on Facebook to the next day when she left it logged in at work. That way people started posting "Happy Birthday!" when it wasn't her birthday. She caught it pretty quick though. Jeanette, this is my confession/apology.)
4. Delete all of their contacts. That one is a little mean.
5. Change the names to all of their contacts, i.e. Batman, Dumbledore, Barack Obama, etc.
6. Chelsey shared this video, which everyone has seen and still can't get enough of.
7. Cristina pulled a Jim and hid a student's phone in a ceiling tile and had the kid's mom call every 5 minutes. Watch out, drywall.
8. Many people have heard of planting a kid with a fake, old cell phone early on in a course, then catch them texting and smash the cell phone with a hammer. Similar to #6 for the pure shock factor.

These are just little things to fantasize about to get me through the day. Maybe soon I'll put something in jello.

It's Like Seeing A Dog Walk On It's Hind Legs!

When I was running BYUStyle (best blogging days of my life!), The Beard came up with the concept for a blogging series called "Sometimes, Always, Never." I thought it was great, but the post I wrote never got published and then we fizzled with graduating. But I'm going to do it now!

I live in the town where I teach. It has it's drawbacks. In fact, one of our teachers is leaving to teach at another school because he doesn't like to teach where he lives. I've lived here my whole life, so it isn't as big of a deal, but there is the inconvenience of often seeing my kids outside of school.

There are good and bad scenarios to being a teacher outside of the school walls.

Here's when I like being seen as a teacher in the real world:

SOMETIMES

When I see my students at the mall or in restaurants. We usually exchange smiles and a quick wave. Or if they don't see me I pretend to not see them. Visa versa, probably. Not a huge deal. SOMETIMES weird if they are weird about it. Whatever.

ALWAYS

Tuesday night when we were at Magleby's for our romantic little Valentine's date, I ran into a mom of one of my students. We communicate frequently about his progress and we've become friends. She was so happy to see me and quickly pulled her husband over to meet me, and took the time to meet and introduce her husband to The Beard as well. After the issues with parents at the beginning of this term, it was really nice to see good, happy parents who appreciate teachers. That will ALWAYS be welcome.

NEVER

The day before Thanksgiving, 10 pm, I'm in the kitchen making desserts to take to our double duty Thanksgiving festivities. I realize that I need more cream cheese for the mini-cheesecakes and we need to run to Reams super quick. How do I look?

Hair in a messy top knot (not in the chic way, but in the "I'm cooking" way.)

Oversized Star Wars t-shirt, hitting about mid-thigh

Black leggings. Probably with some flour fingerprints.

Boots, NOT Uggs. Let the record show that I was NOT wearing Uggs.

10 pm makeup - probably smudged or disappearing.

As I climb out of the car at Reams, I hear it. The dreaded:

"Dude. Isn't that your TEACHER?"

Two kids chillin on skateboards, drinking their Mountain Dew spot me and yell "Hey, Mrs. Holdaway! What are you doing? Cool Star Wars shirt? Is this your husband?" and who knows how many other things.

I was ambushed, you guys. I don't expect junior high kids to be out at 10:30 pm in public by themselves. I looked FANTASTIC obviously. So that's when it's NEVER ok to be a teacher outside of school. Basically just when I look like a WoW nerd in public.

Leading My Students Astray

It's important to me that I am a good example to my students. Sure, I can be mean and sarcastic on my blog (for you guys!) but in real life I try really hard to be a model of good behavior for these kids. I fear that this week I may have failed.

A few girls hung back after class to talk to me. Two of them are my buddies. One girl was just kind of hanging out, putting things away and chatting with us.

"Hey, Mrs. Holdaway? What are your favorite chick flicks? We're having a marathon this weekend!"

"Oh, man. I don't know. I don't LOVE chick flicks... but I'd have to say... Princess Bride. Probably #1 of all time. I like My Best Friend's Wedding. My sister likes How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, so I've seen that one a bunch..."

"Oh yeah we love those!!!"

"What else... I really like 10 Things I Hate About You..."

"What?!!! That movie is so bad!" - random 3rd girl.

I halted immediately and all our eyes flew to her.

"Yeah! I started watching that once and turned it off in like, less than half an hour! It was so bad!" she firmly stated.

I pressed my brain, wondering what terrible things I had overlooked. All I could think of was their dad preventing pre-marital sex with the pregnancy suit. Which I guess is a little scandalous.

"Oh.... well... It was the 90s...." - lamest excuse ever from me.

The other girls looked at her out of the corners of their eyes as they packed up their stuff and thanked me for my suggestions. They all left, leaving me standing alone in my room.

So many of these kids quote R-rated movies, play super violent games and have these dirty little minds. I guess I had forgotten that there are still tender little souls here. Few and far between. But bless their little hearts.

Seriously, though. 10 Things I Hate About You? What are we coming to?

Why Your Parenting is Crippling Your Child, in 5 Easy Steps

The term ended a week and a half ago, but I've been bombarded almost endlessly by a few parents about their children's grades. Many are frustrated because their student received a low score on one of the big projects we had due at the end of the term.

There are several problems with that:

1. Why isn't your kid coming to talk to me? Either

A. Your kid doesn't care = your fault

B. You care way too much = your fault

C. You feel bad because you didn't pay attention to your kid's grades all term = your fault

You are teaching your kid that their grades are about you, and that you will step in and fight all their battles for them.

2. Classy move, attacking education. No, definitely plant that seed of cynicism and doubt in your 14 year old. Show by example that bad grades are the teacher's fault (OBVIOUSLY) so that they go the rest of their life shifting blame to others.

3. Wait to email me until AFTER final grades have been posted. Because the real world doesn't have deadlines, right? Nevermind that I send weekly emails home about upcoming projects and notable class events.

4. Use impersonal email to be meaner than you would be to my face to try and bully me as a new young teacher. These kids don't use enough texting/Facebook/impersonal communication as it is. You would never let your kid cyberbully, would you? But you feel no shame telling me that I am an unfair teacher, that my assignments are terrible (which, by the way, are mandated by the district, so thanks!), and that you're going to go over my head to the principal.

Too bad for you, I may be young, but I do not get bullied. Sorry. I'm still not going to give your C+ kid an A. Not to mention, Nebo School District is awesome and they have their teacher's backs.

5. Demand that I just change grades and give points, without asking why they were given/taken or requesting that your student can rework their work to make sure they actually learn the material. They shouldn't have to earn grades/points. What I'm being asked to make sure they do DOESN'T matter, after all.

In the real world, your kid won't have you to fight their battles. Are you gonna do this all through high school? What about college? Are you gonna be on a first name basis with their future boss?

In the real world, they can't just assume everything is their boss' fault.

In the real world, you miss deadlines and that window of opportunity slams shut on their privileged little fingers.

In the real world, there are big things due at the last minute that can hurt you if you don't do them correctly.

In the real world, you can't turn to a mean email to solve all your problems. You have to see your boss/coworkers every day. That's right. In person. Flesh and blood.

In the real world, if you don't do your work, it's still there waiting for you. It doesn't magically show up in your "points." Stuff needs to be done.

I don't write this because I hate you. I'm NOT a parent yet, that's true. I admire so much of what you're doing, this is just the only part that I see.

I don't write this because I hate your kid. I write this because I love your kid.

I love my job. Teaching is the greatest. I would love to do my job if you'd let me.

Can we be a team? Please?

Baby Meetings

Don't get excited. I'm not baby hungry. Not even in the slightest. When I am, I'm sure you'll be the first to know, because I've observed that the #1 symptom of baby hunger is excessive blogging.

Baby Meetings is the affectionate (cynical) nickname I give our new teacher trainings. I meet in Orem with all the BYU people once a month. I have observation pre- and post-conferences with my mentor or principal every 3ish weeks. Every other week there is a training on class management that we are encouraged to attend, and finally Nebo School District's noob meetings once a month.

I am not bitter about these meetings, but often just confused at why new teachers, who have more work and less time than most teachers, are required to attend these meetings that just re-teach everything we just got in college, while the older teachers don't seem to know any of that information or the strategies, but never have to attend extra meetings. I suppose it may make sense in the future. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz.

Anyways. On Monday we had our baby meeting and they shared with us an article by the Santa Cruz New Teacher Project, which is studying the experience of a new teacher and how to best support them. They have found that new teachers go through 5 basic phases. I found them both depressing, relieving and accurate. My husband is probably the one who needs to learn these the most, so he knows who I'm going to be over the next few weeks...

Phase 1: Anticipation

We get all anxious and excited. We completely romanticize teaching and vow to give 110% to these bright new spirits we've been appointed to educate. (HA!!!!) The adrenaline of this phase gets you through the first month. And it's just that. Complete adrenaline rush.

Phase 2: Survival

You knew you were going to be busy, but you didn't know you'd feel like you were constantly running. I've never worked harder in my life. It's like finals week every single day (so stop whining about it on Facebook. Yeah. We've all done finals weeks. You're not special.) I was staying late, going through red pens like crazy, researching all of my curriculum because I forgot so much from college and high school, and sleeping straight through the entire weekend. Despite the craziness, most teachers maintain tons of energy and basically we're just hoping it will subside. This lasted until about Fall Break.

Phase 3: Death (Just kidding. "Disillusionment")

Two months of nonstop work and stress takes its toll, physically, mentally, all of the -llys really. We start to really question our effectiveness, our self-esteem drops somewhat dramatically, and the idea that we're not even halfway done is a pretty ominous thought. Most teachers get sick in this phase as well. I hit this in early-mid November. Thankfully I've never questioned my desire to teach. There were moments when I thought "I am the worst teacher ever. I try so hard and really can't improve. I'm THAT bad." I got sick right before Thanksgiving and it really hasn't gone all the way away. I'm still functioning at like 70% healthy, with fluctuations. I think I'm on the upswing, though, and the break is coming soon. A lot of teachers also start to lose control of their classroom management. Luckily this hasn't really happened, so I'm very grateful for that.

Phase 4: Rejuvenation

This is supposed to happen over the break. We get to rest, spend time away from school, exercise, eat better, and have some time to prepare for the upcoming semester. We're ALLEGEDLY going to come back with an acceptance of the system and stresses of teachers, and be able to see our progress instead of our failures. We come back ready to make some changes and do more long-term planning instead of flying by the seat of our pants. Again, this is a myth. (No. This really will happen. We just like to pretend like we're hopeless in our baby meetings because it's hilarious.)

Phase 5: Reflection

As May rolls around and we're wrapping up, we get to look back on the year as a whole and see it for what it is. We can make better judgments about certain lessons and units, think about what we would do differently and prepare for next year. Our mentors encourage us to try to do this in bits and pieces right now. I definitely try to. Some days I take down a page of notes about how things went and how I'm going to do it differently next year. I get excited.

That's what it's all about right? Even though this death phase has been tough, I still want to do this. I'm still excited. I still love this job. It's all worth it. And thank goodness, because I would have blown my brains out already.

To My Prospective Teacher Friends: I don't write this to freak you out. I write this so you have an accurate perception of what it's like. Unfortunately my university classes only helped like 25%. The real thing is super different. But know going into it that it's all worth it IF THIS IS YOUR THING. And if it is, it's awesome.

Mad props to the Beard for sticking with me when I'm cussing out my kids as I grade tests on the couch in my grossest pajamas, not moving for days on end, eating nothing but popcorn all day and falling asleep at 8:30 pm.

Top Ten

I survived. One week ago I started as a new teacher, with a real room and a full schedule of bright-eyed 9th graders. Everyone kept asking me if I was nervous. I wasn't. Everyone kept asking me if I was ready. I wasn't. So sixes, I guess.



Often in my Teacher Ed classes they would say "you'll learn more your first day of teaching than most of your BYU career." Fact. Imagine what I've learned in one week. Well you don't have to imagine. I've summed it up concisely for you here.



What They Don't Tell You About Teaching



10. How naturally teaching comes. You really don't have a choice but to get up there and teach. I know I am blessed and it isn't as natural for some people. But generally speaking, its an absolute necessity. You simply HAVE to be prepared. You simply HAVE to employ some classroom management. You'd die otherwise. And I haven't yet.

9. Over 80% of my job is being able to successfully multi-task. You guys know how I feel about that.

8. How quickly the day rushes by. I'm there frantically making copies. Then first period starts. Suddenly it's lunch. I blink again and it's flex time. I take a breath and the kids are all gone. It's insane. I love the fast pace.

7. How much time teachers spend each day. Not enormously surprising. Everyone in the universe knows teachers are overworked and underpaid. But its very different to be on the teaching end of that. Especially as an intern. I'm doing the full amount of work (more even, because I'm a first year and doing a lot from scratch) for half the pay. I consider myself lucky. But even I can't believe I'm showing up at 7:15 a.m. and getting home at 5:30 p.m. or later consistently. Good thing I love this, right?

6. Being mean is such a good idea. In the same way that a girl loves a guy who treats her badly, students don't hate you when you're mean. It kind of drives them to win your respect and love even more. Plus discipline problems diminish steadily.

5. Teachers love to steal and be stolen from. I love that I can walk into a classroom, steal someone's idea and they commend me for it. Encourage it, even. It's fantastic.

4. There are no such kids as "bad kids." Ok. They kind of teach you that. But you don't realize it until you have the opportunity to watch and get to know some of your problem kids. Even over the course of one week I've gotten to know one kid that hates trying. And he's delightful! I see it as a fun challenge.

3. Teachers see everything. Oh, you think you're a sneaky texter? You aren't. Oh, you think I can't see you making lovey-dovey eyes at your boyfriend? Well, I can. And gross. HEY TEENAGERS. I GET IT. YOU ARE CHAMPION EYE-ROLLERS. Guess what? Me too. [rolls eyes]

2. How little teaching you actually get to do. So much of my time is spent in preparation, giving instructions, grading stuff, answering random questions and babysitting. In a 45 minute class I generally get around 20 minutes of instruction if I want them to get some independent practice (which you almost always do). That's disheartening and relieving at the same time.

1. How much fun it is. For reals, you guys. All day I smile and laugh. The kids, teachers, staff, everything is just so fun and hilarious. It's so comforting to me that I enjoy it so much. I know I made the right decision and I'm going to love this for the rest of my life. I'll work as hard as I can to not become a grumbling, cynical teacher. Because I believe that isn't inevitable. The noble profession of teaching can be just as fun and exciting 10 years from now as it has been this week.

I'm just glad I have the chance.

Animaniac

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Not Your Average Mormon Housewife Recipe Blog

On the first day of school I'm having my students write a recipe... for themselves. This is a good way for me to get to know them, as well as providing an opportunity for creativity. We're also making a school-wide effort to increase reading and writing in all disciplines, which I think is a fantastic idea. Everyone, even you. Yes you. College attending or not. You should read and write more. (Hint: it makes you smarter.)



I have a policy of doing each assignment I'm asking my kids to do so that I make sure

A. It isnt ridiculous

B. I have good instructions for them

C. I can answer any questions/prevent problems



Therefore I condensed myself down to a recipe. What is YOUR recipe? Enjoy!



Preheat oven to St. George temperature - 80 degrees Farenheit.



Mix 7 seasons of The Office with 1 Liter of optimism in a mixer.



Add 3 softball games, one at a time. Mix on low.



Add 2 teaspoons of Zombie movies, 1 bag of microwave popcorn and a case of Diet Dr. Pepper. Let sit for 1 weekend.



Form into a short, blonde mass and sprinkle with a handful of classic rock.



Bake for 21 years.



Prepare a frosting of yoga and reading. Spread on when cool.



Serve with friends, family and students.



Makes 1 Mapleton Mustang.

Life After Wales

Here we are, 7 months later. You might ask, "Well, what's been happening?" and if I said "Not too much!" you wouldn't believe me and you'd try to pump me for more information, right? Well that's what's happened when I've run into a few of you in the past few months and you've gotten on my case for not posting regularly. Because obviously this blog is the best thing that's ever happened to you all.

Here's a brief synopsis:

1. School. Sucks, but I figured it needed to be number one. I took some good classes these last two semesters, hated almost every second of it, and I'm counting down until April 13th when I am officially DONE. Forever!

2. In relation to being done forever, I landed an internship at Mapleton Jr. High for next year! I'll be teaching 7th grade Utah Studies and 8th grade U.S. History! I feel so lucky to have to opportunity to work at the best school with the best teachers.

3. Turned 21. Woot! No bad decisions yet.....

4. The Dream Palace. Our party-filled, bachelorette pad. Fall semester was filled with bonfire after bonfire, Netflix on our TV, and our latest love - JustDance2.

5. Working at the LAO. My home away from home.

6. Music shows, parties, hot tubbing, classy dinner parties with friends.

7. #Jimmering. This picture was on the front page of Sports Illustrated.com at one point. I'm famous!

8. Fell in love.

9. Friday Night Lights. Texas Forever. {Still loyal to The Office. Obviously.}

10. Had the best 7 months ever to be had in Provo.

I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to have all this. Best people ever, best opportunities, best life. It's hard to imagine things getting any better, but everything on the horizon is even more exciting. I have so much to look forward to. Life is beautiful.

And it's getting more beautiful. I woke up this morning to find blossoms on the tree outside the Dream Palace. Soon. Soon it will be summer.