Teacher Probz

This cough is MURDERING ME. It was ever so kind as to wake me up with a hacking fit at 2 am this morning to mark the 2 week anniversary of us being together. Sweet, right?

I've tried everything Pinterest, God and pharmacies have to offer and still - coughing constantly and sounding like Kurt Cobain. Two sick days, an entire pack of Dayquil, garlic/lemon/honey tea, Vicks VapoRub on my feet with socks overnight, tribal dances, nothing is doing it for me.

I've missed a couple of days of school, and there's been quite the pile of grading creeping up on me. I'm trying desperately to catch up on it - and I'll succeed today. However, one email from an illogical mother has tempted me to leave it all there, collecting dust.

Let's call her son Billy. Billy has dropped the ball a bit in the last month or so. He's failed to turn in assignments, performed poorly on quizzes and done about half of the work on the assignments he did turn in. Billy is actually really smart and a fun kid. I really like him. He's just fallen into this lull that all the kids are going through right now.

"It's getting warmer. All the girls are pushing the dress code. School is almost out. I better give up this strong pattern I've been maintaining and just lose my mind completely." - every middle school student right now.

Over the past week or so, he's been realizing how bad his grade has gotten and come in to do makeup work and turn in all his late assignments. I haven't entered his updated work for 2 very valid, normal reasons:

1. I've been sick and missed 2 days of school - during which time I not only teach and plan, but also grade all the work as it comes in. I'm usually always on top of grading. Unfortunately not when I'm passed out on the couch in front of The Office with my nose leaking. Gross. Sorry.

2. If I have a stack of current work, I grade that before I grade late and makeup work. I have limited time at school to use grading, so I feel I owe that to the kids that turned stuff in on time to get their work graded. Right? If it wasn't important enough to you to get the work in on time, it isn't important enough for me to grade it the microsecond you turn it in. I feel that this is normal and reasonable.

So here's what happened this morning. I get an email from a mom listing all of the makeup and late work her son has turned in during the past week and asking me repeatedly why those scores haven't gone in yet.

I understand this. Your kid does work, or TELLS you he does work and you aren't seeing it show up online so you are concerned. Totally get this. Totally cool with these emails.

Here's what I'm not cool with:

"The reason I'm concerned with these scores not being updated is because we grounded him from his ipod until his grades improve, but the book he needs to read for English is on his ipod so until his scores go up he can't read his book for English and we are very worried about that. We really need his grades to go up so he can get his ipod back and read for English."

Ok. Hold up. I'm all for holding kids accountable for their grades. I'm all for positive/negative reinforcement. It's perfect for this age group. Pick something they love as a reward and take away their "essentials" (phones, ipods, friend time, even makeup) as punishments. More parents should do this. So I'm not really that mad.

But lets look at the facts here.

Your son CHOSE to ease up effort in my class.

You CHOSE to take his ipod as a way to punish him.

Now, it's my fault that he can't do his English homework? No. It's not. 

If you are too prideful to go back on your decision to take his ipod, that's not my fault.

If you took his ipod without knowing his book was on it, that's not my fault. 

If Billy chose to turn in assignments late that I gave them class time to complete, that's not my fault. 

Instead of trying to lean on the teacher to cover up your mistake and your kid's failure to complete assignments, why wouldn't you use this as a learning experience with your son?

"See, son? This is why its important to just stay on top of your work. Now you are waiting on someone else and someone else is responsible for your happiness. When you do what they say to do, you are in control. When you don't, you are at their mercy and can't control anything in the situation. Life. Consequences."

That's some deep shiz that you're missing out on, Billy's mom. And your email just made me really want to let that pile of late/missing work sit there for another day. But I won't. Because BILLY MUST READ. (Not sarcastic. I really want him to read.)

The 3 People You Meet at Parent Teacher Conferences

I have concluded that there are really only 3 types of parents that come to Parent Teacher Conference. There will be your anomalies and different flavors, but they'll all fit generally into these 3 categories. For your reading convenience they are listed from the easiest to the hardest. Enjoy.

#1 The Mandatory Parents

"Yes. Your child has 110% so everything really is fine. Thank you for coming. Bye."

These parents will go to every academic event, every school function AND bring their entire family. Always. Their kids are always at the top of the class and talking to the teachers is kind of a waste of time, but they do it anyway. Although I roll my eyes at them, I really appreciate them and their dedication to their student's education.

#2 The Interrogation Parents

"So he's telling me there is never any homework and that everyone is failing and that he's turned in everything and you just haven't graded it. Is that true?"

"Well..... no. Actually none of that is true. At all. Even a little bit."

These parents have kids that try to pull a fast one on them, but they use Parent Teacher Conference to attack confront their child in front of the teacher. It seems that tension has existed in their relationship for a while and the parents use this to spearhead the imminent conflict. With me watching. These kids might be B students or D students, but they get an A+ for Awkwardness and embarrassment.

#3 The Two Face Parents

"I know he is failing/he's just been so stressed/we had to move/we're getting a divorce/I'll have him stay after school/She's going to be grounded until this changes/I will make SURE she is up in time to get to your class first period/He's just been SO sick/Thank you so much for your help!"

These parents are the worst kind. They come in 100% on the teacher's side. They coo and simper and agree and justify. Their guilt (mixed with true parental concern, I am sure) forces them to Parent Teacher Conferences because they know they aren't doing everything they should as a parent, but they want to cover that up. And they probably honestly want to do better.

Today they are an attentive parent and a true ally, but tomorrow the kid will be late or absent from the first period class their mom PROMISED to get them to on time. Tomorrow their brand new iPhone won't be taken away as promised. This weekend they won't spend grounded and "working on homework," but instead having a great unsupervised weekend.

But even these parents, working 12+ hour days and cleaning pencil penises off my desks can't make me quit smiling over the 100% test scores, high fives and lightbulb moments I get every day. :)

Why Your Parenting is Crippling Your Child, in 5 Easy Steps

The term ended a week and a half ago, but I've been bombarded almost endlessly by a few parents about their children's grades. Many are frustrated because their student received a low score on one of the big projects we had due at the end of the term.

There are several problems with that:

1. Why isn't your kid coming to talk to me? Either

A. Your kid doesn't care = your fault

B. You care way too much = your fault

C. You feel bad because you didn't pay attention to your kid's grades all term = your fault

You are teaching your kid that their grades are about you, and that you will step in and fight all their battles for them.

2. Classy move, attacking education. No, definitely plant that seed of cynicism and doubt in your 14 year old. Show by example that bad grades are the teacher's fault (OBVIOUSLY) so that they go the rest of their life shifting blame to others.

3. Wait to email me until AFTER final grades have been posted. Because the real world doesn't have deadlines, right? Nevermind that I send weekly emails home about upcoming projects and notable class events.

4. Use impersonal email to be meaner than you would be to my face to try and bully me as a new young teacher. These kids don't use enough texting/Facebook/impersonal communication as it is. You would never let your kid cyberbully, would you? But you feel no shame telling me that I am an unfair teacher, that my assignments are terrible (which, by the way, are mandated by the district, so thanks!), and that you're going to go over my head to the principal.

Too bad for you, I may be young, but I do not get bullied. Sorry. I'm still not going to give your C+ kid an A. Not to mention, Nebo School District is awesome and they have their teacher's backs.

5. Demand that I just change grades and give points, without asking why they were given/taken or requesting that your student can rework their work to make sure they actually learn the material. They shouldn't have to earn grades/points. What I'm being asked to make sure they do DOESN'T matter, after all.

In the real world, your kid won't have you to fight their battles. Are you gonna do this all through high school? What about college? Are you gonna be on a first name basis with their future boss?

In the real world, they can't just assume everything is their boss' fault.

In the real world, you miss deadlines and that window of opportunity slams shut on their privileged little fingers.

In the real world, there are big things due at the last minute that can hurt you if you don't do them correctly.

In the real world, you can't turn to a mean email to solve all your problems. You have to see your boss/coworkers every day. That's right. In person. Flesh and blood.

In the real world, if you don't do your work, it's still there waiting for you. It doesn't magically show up in your "points." Stuff needs to be done.

I don't write this because I hate you. I'm NOT a parent yet, that's true. I admire so much of what you're doing, this is just the only part that I see.

I don't write this because I hate your kid. I write this because I love your kid.

I love my job. Teaching is the greatest. I would love to do my job if you'd let me.

Can we be a team? Please?