How Getting Married Solved All My Thanksgiving Problems

There's no better time than the holidays to engage in awkward personal conversations under the pretenses of "love and concern." Though us Mormons don't get plastered and act inappropriately, we find ways to compensate. In addition to awkward conversation, I've found that large amounts of stress somehow find their way to me in the kitchen.

The solution to all of this? Marriage. Sorry @MormonGirlProbs. But it's just another thing to look forward to, right?

The first advantage I noted was the limited amount of time I had to spend in the kitchen. Usually, I would come home Wednesday night and spend that time and all day Thursday cleaning, prepping and escalating the stress in general just by virtue of my presence. Not this year. I showed up a little early to help (still dealing with inevitable stress and basic paranoia). I even got to bring something!

Secret Danica Holdaway fact: Hates pumpkin, banana cream and coconut cream pies. All the traditional Thanksgiving desserts. So I brought a dessert that I actually liked - Caramel Apple Cheesecakes. Thank you Pinterest.

During dinner, the second advantage became apparent. No longer was I forced to bear questions of "So, are you dating?" "I heard whats-her-name is getting married..." "You're turning 21, have you thought about a mission?" Even the harmless and less awkward school/BYU questions are dropped when you get married. And for the time being we're young and newly-married enough to preempt the pregnancy questions. So cheers!

Clean up? See ya later! We now get to duck out of one dinner before clean up and arrive at the other conveniently AFTER clean up. Yahtzee.

Since we got engaged I've greatly appreciated the doubled family. It's great to get to see both of them. We're so lucky to have them both close. But on Thanksgiving, not only do we enjoy the company of two families, but the delicious desserts of each. The best of both worlds, if you will.

If Mapleton Jr. High was InStyle Magazine, No One Would Be on the Cover

Teachers are often, stereotypically, thought of as frumpy. And we've never blamed them. Do you want to get all dressed up to get covered in glue and peanut butter sandwiches or to babysit a bunch of punk teenagers? No. Why in the world would you do that? Sometimes teachers "let themselves go" because they are underpaid for hours of work and stress, are targeted and punished for the failing education system whilst trying their best (usually. hopefully.) and on top of that are raising families, young and old.

Anyways, my point here is that I understand that. But I'm going to do my best to avoid it for as long as possible, hopefully forever. In fact, my style has done nothing but improve since I've become a teacher. It's been a process.

I think it began with Ryan. When we started dating, I started trying harder. I also had more places to go and more people to see when we were dating, because we went out all the time. I wanted to look good and wanted Ryan's friends to think I was pretty. You know. All that vanity and stuff.

This summer, with that whole getting married business, my style started to evolve. I had to be more selective about the length and cuts of my clothes, and sometimes things like shirtdresses and sequined tanks are easily labeled as "Singles Clothes." So those were passed off to my little sisters. No tears were shed. (Some tears were shed.)

I went shopping a few times before school and right after school started, and I was so pleased. I used to come home with a bag full of gray and black hues. But this fall I started to mix it up. I came home with wide leg gray and blue trousers, skinny cropped khakis, a khaki twill pencil skirt and printed dresses. Instead of my standard v-neck or detailed tank and cardigan, I mixed it up with blouses and shirts, styles I'd been too scared to try, and even rolled the dice on some FANTASTIC leopard print booties I'd been coveting.

I worried that buying things that were more adult and conservative for school would make me boring. That hasn't been the case. These kids see me every day, so I weirdly care that I don't wear the exact same outfit twice. I HAVE to mix it up a little even though they wouldn't necessarily notice. Also, I'm like 5'4" and young. I NEED to dress well to set me apart from these little (lovable) punks. In a sea of skinny jeans and Toms, a pair of slacks can go a long way.

I didn't think I'd be able to rock heels - that's usually a church only thing - but when you get the right comfortable pair (read: wedges) they aren't bad, even when I'm on my feet running around my room all day. I love it. I love being able to look down instead of up at (most) kids.

That's right. Forget those stupid stories your mom told you about girls camp with me a few years ago. Pick my colored pencils up off the ground.

Also, when you're an intern and really care about teaching and want to get a job, style is one way to show you're serious about it, especially when you are an exhausted slave intern. I'm not afraid to volunteer for things and speak up in meetings, but the most obvious, daily indication of dedication to your job it dressing for it. (If I was dressing for the job I WANT, like everyone advises you to do, I'd be in basketball shorts preparing to analyze yet another season of The Office for NBC.)

Ok. Here's what I was really getting to.

My tips for stepping up your fashion game.

1. Start with inspiration. Decide what your style is. I've been thinking I like the preppy look for years, but in reality I never wear it. How do you do this, you say? Well, Pinterest, obviously. Start pinning outfits and items you like. Then look at your board as a whole and assess. Oh, you actually like more feminine stuff than you thought? Me too.

2. Clean house. Get rid of crap. You know right now there is a ton of stuff in your closet that

A. Doesn't fit.

B. You hate.

C. You have no idea where it came from.

D. Hasn't been worn (in the appropriate season) in forever.

E. Doesn't really work with your new style inspiration via Pinterest.

F. All of the above.

Get rid of it! I always have to make a "tentative" pile. I put stuff that fits the above categories in there, and if I haven't pulled from it in a month or so, it goes. Never look back. Trust me. It makes more room for good stuff so you can look awesome. Think of it that way.

Check out Kendi Everyday's "Create a Working Closet" for some awesome tips from a fashion wizard. That's how I started. And it's well worth the tears. (Just kidding)

3. The best part: Go Shopping! I always look through my Pinterest boards, saved pictures and blog posts to see what I should be looking for. I will usually make an "URGENT" list of 4 or 5 things that I absolutely NEED. (Ryan has a different definition for the word "need"....) Shop with what you FEEL. Does that denim jacket speak to you? Trick question, because denim jackets look gross on everyone. But a chambray button-up? Yeah! Buy it!

4. Use accessories to mix up old stuff. I may wear the same outfit, but I change my shoes, hair and jewelry and it becomes something new. Don't get boring. Forever 21 is a great place to find jewelry that works for people of all ages, relatively cheap. Non-committal. Be cheaply brave.

5. If you're EXTRA brave, which I am not, you can try the 30 for 30 challenge, where you remix a limited number of pieces for 30 days. Again, Kendi Everyday should be your guide.

6. Finally, keep evolving. My new rule that I'm alternately hating and loving is that for every item of clothing I buy, I have to throw one out (with the exception of staple pieces - blazers, pencil skirts, plain white tees, etc). This helps me decide if I REALLY want something, because if I do, I'm willing to ditch something for it. It also helps me eliminate pieces from my wardrobe that need to go. Thus my closet is only getting better and more manageable! Can you believe it?!

How do YOU mix it up with your closet? What about pumping up your style for the holidays? What fashion blogs/Pinterest accounts are you obsessed with for fashion? Please! I need even MORE reasons to online shop!

I Put the "It" in "Fitness"

I let my Gold's Gym pass expire. I used to hit the gym all the time and I loved it. Especially going to Jim's (silver fox) yoga class in Orem. However, once I started dating The Beard my free time pretty much disappeared. No complaints here. I actually ate better and less, because I had to. I played some intramural soccer and city rec. slowpitch, which is fun. (Anyone playing any sports give me call. I'm dece.)

Once I started teaching my daily stress level rose a little, and I was having trouble sleeping. I knew I would feel better if I exercised, but I never wanted to go to the gym. I can't risk running into weird people from my ward and high school, god forbid any students. But something had to be done. I hate running, by the way. So not an option.

I had set up our Wii and played a few rounds of Just Dance since we'd moved in, and I was slowly becoming addicted to it. Problem solved. Just Dance has a function for fitness called "Just Sweat." It tracks your calories burnt and sets you up for a weeklong program with an intensity of your choosing. Yahtzee..

So here's my daily routine. I know you're dying to hear it. I do school, stay only as long as I absolutely need to, then come home and immediately change into my yoga pants. I Just Dance it up, without shame, sucking down water and panting, until my husband comes home from work and laughs at me. Every day. Then I quickly pretend like I'm not 14 and run into the kitchen to start dinner. Some days if I feel like being an adult I'll do the yoga app session that comes with my DVD player. But lets be honest. Who picks yoga over this? (Also picture me doing this furiously, alone in my living room. 22 years of age.)

Think Outside the Box

I've never been a fan of weird singles ward things - ward prayer, dessert parties, FHE at the bishopric's house, speed dating, etc. So naturally I avoided the Munch & Mingle. I liked to lay low in a singles ward. Sure, I went. I did my Visiting Teaching (usually). I accepted and magnified callings. But I would often go to other wards, leave after sacrament and avoided activities at all costs.

When The Beard and I were dating pretty seriously in the spring, I came around more (having a boyfriend is a perfect excuse for hanging with your roommates and being antisocial). I still didn't go to activities, but when my roommate Tiffany got called to run the Munch & Mingle every week, I stuck around to support her. Bad idea.

One Sunday as I was about to grab my vegetable plate and sneak home, the fellowshipping committee guy (don't you love these made-up callings?) cornered me.

"Danica, right? Hi I'm fellowshipping guy. We have this little 'Get to know you' form that the Bishop wants everyone in the ward to fill out. I don't think we've gotten one for you yet."

Nope. You haven't. Been in the ward 6 months and almost made it out scot-free. "Oh? Hmmm. Ok..... So..... do you want me to...... fill it out? .... Now?"

"YES!" - pure exuberance as he hands me the form. I sigh and sit down. I hate stuff like this, normally. But you have to understand. At this point, The Beard and I were getting engaged in the future (I wish it had been the NEAR) and we were already planning on going to his ward's incredibly awkward Marriage Prep class (a story for another blog post). So this little survey is even more pointless. Hence, my answers

Name: Danica Anne

Age: no comment

Hometown: Diagon Alley

Current House: The Dream Palace

Major: Molding of Minds

Calling: Monday night babysitting (I was FHE mom. Also, if the Bishop doesn't already know this, I don't want to tell him!)

Favorite Color: Black. It is the most Dominant.

Favorite Food: Water.

Favorite Movie: Phantom of the Opera. (Ok, that one was real. I couldn't betray them.)

Favorite Season: Salt.

Favorite Sport: Jousting

Favorite Hobby: Sleep

I know. I'm a smart a**. But then to my surprise I see a classic "Check the Box" question at the end.

"Are you dating someone? Yes/No."

Uh.... What? Why would the Bishop need to know that? You're more likely to land in the Penalty Box? Maybe to know if we need a section of Marriage & Family Relations? I don't know. I thought that was weird and personal. BUT if it meant I didn't have to go to the stupid speed dating crap, fine by me. I checked "YES."

I handed it back and snuck out as quickly as possible, grinning to myself. Tiffany came home excited and confused. "I saw that your form was in the date box....?"

"The Date Box? What is that? No, I filled out a form for the Bishop."

"That's the Date Box."

"What in the h*ll is the Date Box?"

She preceded to explain that the Date Box is where everyone in the ward is mixed together like some depressing single-life gumbo, and people are matched together for a date. It's ridiculous. It's the lowest form of singles ward functions. I felt relieved that I had checked the box "YES." That saved me. Surely they'd take my form out. And even if they didn't, my ludicrous answers made me seem psychotic, so no one would call me anyways. Right?

Wrong.

Thursday night of that week, The Beard and I were out at my parent's house for Office Night. My phone starts ringing from an unrecognized number. I had been getting calls from schools about interviews over that entire week, so I'd just been answering everything instead of screening calls. Obviously this wasn't a Junior High calling at 8 pm on a Thursday. But I answered.

"Hi, is this Danica?"

"Uh, yeah this is she."

"Hi. This is random dude from the ward.... I pulled you out of the Date Box and I was wondering.... are you available Saturday night?"

My eyes widen and The Beard can hear everything on the other line. He starts laughing and I am taken aback.

"Oh!.... um... well...."

"You're seeing someone."

"Well, yes," I laugh, "I'm sorry! I checked the box on the form..." I trail off, mumbling and awkward.

"Oh. Ok. That's too bad. Well. Maybe some other time. Have a good night!"

Maybe some other time?! Ryan is laughing and I'm equal parts embarrassed and amused. Did he not see the checked box? Did he think it wasn't for real? Did he check my Facebook and see that I wasn't "in a relationship?" There's no way he was turned on by my love for "jousting," was he? How did this happen?

Classic. This is Provo. And I couldn't be happier to be married.

You're the One that I Want

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I LOVE it. There's just something about planning and executing great outfits that I've always loved, and Halloween takes it to the max with fantasy and costume. I love planning each detail of my costume and the awesome parties that cannot be matched at any other time of year.

Halloween in college is one-of-a-kind. There is no end to the costume dance parties all over the valley. You have the unique opportunity to dress up for upwards of 4 dance parties, maybe a ward Halloween party, even school if you're THAT student. I love it.

Friday we attended a great party at my friend Katie's house, and today at school I'm a blonde Hermione. Party at the Holdaway's to follow. I love today.

So, following Katie's suit, I'm sharing a few of the past Halloween costumes I've donned for this most festive of holidays. Enjoy!

Danny & Sandy from Grease (this year)

With my girls

The Devil (sophomore year)

Greek Goddess meets President Obama (Freshman year)

This last photo may be my favorite. It inspired many cartoons by my friends Collin, Austin and Spencer. I'm famous.

Happy Halloween!

22

When I was little, I wanted to be old. When I'm old, I'm sure I'll want to be little.

But right now, I'm completely content. Here's 22 reasons why.

1. I'm alive!

2. The Gospel in my life

3. My everything. (Ryan)

4. My incredible family that doubled over the summer and just keeps growing. :)

5. The Office (see babe? I put you above The Office!!!!)

6. Arrested Development

7. Besties. I don't know what I'd do without Eliesa, Katie, Jeanette & Courtney. Even if we go days/weeks without seeing eachother/talking.

8. Tina Fey. (I'm reading her book right now and loving it.Also, Mean Girls had a huge impact on me)

9. My job. I love teaching. There must be something wrong with me.

10. The kids. Crazy? Weird? Gross? Selfish? Lazy? Lovable.

11. Orville Redenbacher's Pop-Up Microwave Popcorn bowl. Also comes with free redbox rentals.

12. Just Dance 2. The only way I work out anymore. I'm so freaking good, you guys.

13. Twitter. You may call me an addict. But I really, REALLY love Twitter. (Follow Me.)

14. CDP. If you have to ask what that means you don't get it. (It means Classy Dinner Party)

15. Allure & Elle Magazine on Newsstand and the new iCloud. The Beard is introducing me to a whole new world of technology.

16. Star Wars Collector's Edition. Best early birthday present of all time.

17. Pinterest. You get it.

18. Our cute little house that I'm slowly learning to domesticate (pictures to come... someday).

19. Being done with school. Every time I see my friends tweet/post about homework, it makes me sick for a second before I remember "suckas!"

20. Missionaries. Jessica, Justin, Jake, Jesslyn. Wow. Just now realizing all my missionaries are Js. Love you all. Thank you for your great example of selfless service.

21. Kindle and iBooks for iPad. Welcome back, Bookworm Danica. We've missed you since 2008.

22. Knowing there are great years to follow these past amazing 22.

Thanks for all your love! I love you all!

Marriage, or the Death of Dessert Parties

Marriage is awesome. Everyone knows that. But sometimes it's painfully obvious HOW awesome it is when you're thrown back into the single world.

Several weeks ago, I had to run up to campus for a meeting with my BYU Education Program peeps. Being on campus kind of made me sick. Not only was I overwhelmed with the general happy anxiety and well-intentioned stress, but the awful singleness. Also, loads of chaste sexual frustration with the opposite sex. When you're single, you don't realize how much stress your life inherently includes. You have to:

1. Look cute so you can attract someone.

2. Be smart to attract someone/keep your scholarship/appease your parents/avoid misusing your student loans.

3. Be active in the Church to attract someone/appease your parents/be a good Mormon.

4. Make a lot of friends to attract someone/be popular.

5. Learn life skills (i.e. Domestic flourish for girls) to attract someone.

6. Attend every single possible event - dessert parties, ward prayer, FHE, BYUSA activities, sporting events - of course to meet and attract someone.

There's just this intense level of optimistic stress that is absolutely exhausting. Always the anxiety of finding someone to study/eat lunch/walk home with. Always the anxiety of making weekend plans or getting another date. Always the anxiety of trying SOOOOO hard to be the cutest, coolest, most righteous (and sometimes fake-st) version of yourself. And there's that sneaky, invisible element of competition. There is no abundance mentality on a college campus.

Being on campus and walking into the library to say hi to my library peeps brought back emotions, just like hearing a song from a sad time in your life making you cry, or a song from the best night ever making you smile. I remember walking into that library annoyed, too much homework, no sleep, hungry and caffeine-deprived, anxious to get off work and meet up with The Beard. I absorbed by osmosis the stress of everyone rushing to get to class, but trying desperately to look approachable. I observed with disgust the excessive PDA of zoob couples.

After my meeting I met up with my friend Jesslyn- our last chance before she went into the MTC (Anaheim, Spanish). She lives in the Mormon Dating Epicenter, commonly referred to as "South-of-Campus." While driving to her apartment, I saw a group of kids gathering for FHE outside a complex. Girls playfully shoving guys, guys constantly readjusting their wayfarer shades and closing digits with various groups of girls. I especially liked seeing girls all dressed up in their cutest outfits (yeah. We can tell when you spent more than 10 minutes on it).

I truly do not mean to insult or offend. This is just the culture. We have all done it. I've done it. (No, I haven't.)

The Beard and I went to the BYU Football game a few weeks ago. I haven't been since I was a freshman and remembered why. It's all BYU Football zealots and freshmen. The ignorant comments and general stupidity was obnoxious. The Beard even yelled at a guy for being disrespectful towards the other team. His date was embarrassed. No awkward doorstep hug for him tonight. But the best part of the game was our newfound love - Photobombing. Freshmen LOVE taking the "myspace pic" (extending your arm up and out to capture the pic, heads together with a funny/sexy/cute face). We love messing it up. With some pretty impressive investigative work (If I do say so myself), I found THIS little beauty on a girl's non-private Facebook page.

You are welcome.

Though I live in Mapleton and don't attend classes on campus anymore, I never feel to far away thanks to my social media. Here are my favorite "Provo" accounts that help me stay close to my roots:

Mormon Girl Probs - Hilarious twitter account that is disturbingly familiar.

Provo All Star - The male counterpart for Mormon Girl Probs. And the source of all Mormon Girl Probs.

NiceTryZoob - Making fun of the "Peter" zoobs we all know and love.

Seriously, So Blessed - Blog mocking young, married Mormon girls. Horrifyingly accurate. Even if it stopped posting in January.

Seen @ BYU - Fantastic Facebook group for those who appreciate the ridiculous things around BYU.

It's fun to hate on BYU culture and the ridiculous dating world. At times it's hilarious, and at times it's incredibly frustrating. But it's all changed for me now.

The overwhelming take-away is that I'm so grateful I found The Beard. I'm so grateful that I no longer have to go out every night of the week, to every FHE (ok, I never went anyway), on every blind date and "Date Box" encounter (THAT is a great story. Maybe I'll share that one soon. You'll LOL for sure).

I don't have to stress that I'm being what someone's looking for. I don't have to kill myself adjusting my hair, makeup and clothes every day (I still do that sometimes. My choice.). I don't have to figure out who someone wants me to be. I don't have to fake it to make it. Dating is over. I have someone who accepts me for who I am, no matter what. Someone who makes me feel more ME than I've ever been. Someone who is completely happy to sit on a couch with me watching Netflix every night of the week. And that's what love is. Boring comfortable familiarity that you can't get enough of.

See ya later, dating. It's been a treat. But not really.