I Knew Going to FHE was a Bad Idea.

This is a story about when I realized that the Beard was IT. I thought it apropos since it's Valentine's week and all. **Incidentally it is also the story of one of the worst dates I've ever been on.**

Background

The Beard and I met in August 2009. We started hanging out in October and kissed in December. It was still really casual and cautious, and in March we both decided independently to be gone for the summer - Ryan in Arizona and me in England. We hung out more and more in April, realizing we really liked each other in the face of departure.

A week after we first met - the night he got my digits. Epic. 

The night before he left for Arizona, at the end of April, we had a really good talk about our expectations for the summer. We weren't even bf/gf at that point, so doing the long distance thing was clearly out of the question. The Beard was a bit of a commitment-phobe at the time and I had reservations about that. I also knew that he was going down there with his single dude posse, and that there would undoubtedly be  just scores of hot Arizona girls to occupy their limited down time.

As for me, this was the first summer that I didn't take classes and two months before I left. I was incredibly excited about have a "real" summer and though I really liked Ryan, I wasn't going to waste my summer stressing about a boy that wasn't here.

So we decided to have an awesome summer, stay in touch if we wanted to, and see what September brought back, with equal parts hope and pessimism.

FHE/DATE MARKET

Ryan left on a Sunday. Monday I got up, went to work, and had a very regular day. No tears, no sadness. I was pretty sure Ryan was going to forget about me and I can't STAND feeling clingy. I just decided to get over it, expect nothing, have fun and not even think about him. There were new adventures ahead.

When I got home, my cute roommate Natalie was getting ready for FHE and invited me to come. I LOLed a little.

Fun Fact About Danica: HATES Singles Wards. Hates FHE. I was semi inactive while in college, because I hated going to church so bad. I went to every farewell in Springville/Mapleton, went to my home ward often, and left early from my singles ward all the time.

Still. I was committed to meeting new people and having a blast this summer, so I went. Big mistake. I don't remember what we did, but we sat down in the big circle of chairs and instantly some boys came over to talk to us. I looked up and was instantly drawn to one of the guys, who saw me looking and walked toward me, smiling.

"Wow." I thought. "They really were right about singles wards. I am having a Taylor Swift moment with a guy I've never met. All because of FHE."

He sits down next to me, we exchange names and small talk, and then the Bishop gets up to start the lesson/activity/whatever we were doing. We quiet down. I was trying to be as charming as possible, obviously.

My mind is going a mile a minute. "What was that connection? Did he feel it? Don't get ahead of yourself, Crazy, he could have a girlfriend. Could I even date someone in my ward? That's an awkward story to tell our kids we met in a singles ward." Don't act like you haven't done this embarrassing thought train route before.

But then I started to notice all my judgy little things. "That's weird... why would I be attracted to a guy in construction-style dirty boots? Wait a minute. Those are Bugle Boy jeans. His hat is camouflage. What. What. What."

Let me be clear. I have no issue with many of those observations. It's just not my type. I was starting to question my mental health. Then he started talking again.

"Do you like Mexican food? I need a date for this week and I'd sure like to get some Cafe Rio!"

How did I not notice his hick accent before? And did he really just ask me out within 5 minutes of knowing me? I even thought I was attracted to this guy. I'm going crazy. I must be.

I accepted, because I will always accept a first date. Always. Any single girl who doesn't is a B*TCH. Who do you think you are, turning down a guy who worked up the courage to compliment you with a date?

As we left FHE, I'm in this weird shock. What just happened? I thought I had a legitimate connection with this guy. Am I crazy? He's 0% my type. The more I talked to him, the less I liked him.

Plus he was clearly fresh off his mission - he brought it up like 100 times and asked what my favorite scripture was. All the more apparent during our date... dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnnn...

THE DATE

The next morning he sent me a very next follow-up text. With one too many winky-faces. How many you ask? One. I'm mean. I know he was just trying to be nice. But a winky face is always creepy.

Two days later, he would pick me up 20 minutes early for our date (WORSE THAN BEING LATE) and proceed to offer a prayer over our Cafe Rio meal in the middle of the restaurant. Yes.  As always at Cafe Rio, there were no less than 10 people I knew there, watching. No that I'm ashamed of praying. I pray. Oh, do I pray. But am I wrong in thinking that maybe in the middle of Cafe Rio on a first date might not be the appropriate time/place for a verbal prayer? Regardless, I bowed my head and prayed with him.

The REALIZATION

After dinner, I politely declined his offer to watch a movie at his place. It seemed weird at 6 pm on a Wednesday night. Also he probably only watched the Living Scriptures, and man, sometimes Laman and Lemuel are just too much for me, you know?

I walked back into my apartment is disbelief. What a dismal date from such optimistic beginnings. 

So what was going on? What did it mean?!!!!

At that precise moment of confusion, my other roommate, Becca, walks up. I told her I just went on a date with that kid from FHE.

"WHAT? That guy talking your ear off all night? He totally reminded me of Ryan! He looks so much like him!"



........


Well.



There it is.

He had Ryan's same color and shape of eyes.  Brown hair. Big football guy build.

Bingo.

So I'm not gonna say that was the moment I gave up dating, because I went out with a handful of guys in those two months before England. But it was.

Cafe Rio prayer guy reminded me that there was no one quite like Ryan, and that I wanted to see where that went. I'm really glad the Beard felt the same way and spent his summer texting me between houses.

Because it went here.

BFFaeae (Best Friends Forever and ever and ever)

Before Chistmas I got together with a few of my softball friends from high school for delicious Mexican food at Los Hermanos. Although Gabi, Holli, Kandice and Sar-Bear couldn't make it, me, Kellie, Keeli and Kayla had a great time. I'm so lucky to have such great friends. Gosh I love these girls.

After Senior Day 2008

Every so often we try to put together these dinners to see one another and catch up. Each time, our lives have changed more dramatically, and more of us live farther from Springville. I love hearing everyone's updates because it's so surreal that we are all real adults with real lives. Imagine that.

Dinner at P.F. Changs in 2009

Some of us are married. Some still dating. Some in school. Some graduated. Some in Springville. Some in West Jordan, Ogden and Kentucky.

At my wedding in July 2011

None of us have kids yet. So that's something. Doesn't this look like a group of great future mothers?

80's Stomp 2007

Some of these girls I haven't seen in over a year. But it doesn't matter. We don't miss a beat. Within minutes we are "glory days"-ing and laughing over inside jokes from 2002 or earlier.

Senior Softball Photos 2008

I'm so lucky to have these girls that are still counted among my best friends, 5 years after high school.  They still know me better than almost anyone (Beard). Friends 4 evaaaaaaaa.

Senior Prom 2008

The Beard and I talk about this often, especially when we are talking with our single male friends:

A girl having a somewhat consistent, long-term group of friends is a good sign of stability and low levels of crazy. Despite the duck faces. 

Sunshine Tournament 2007

We always tell our guy friends that a girl that has a different girlfriend every time you see her - run. Run fast and far.

Because those girls are even too crazy for OTHER GIRLS.

Yikes.

Dating for Dummies: Married Edition

We had the best date night last Monday. So great that it made us realize how lame we normally are with our date nights. We do really easy, comfortable, familiar things usually. At least we are good about having a "date night" once a week, I guess.

Anyway. If you're like us and need to spruce up the ol' date night, we somehow succeeded. Here are the key elements, as I see it.

Plan it in advance. Think back to your days of "Planned, Paired Off and Paid For." Even if it's simple, a little planning and scheduling in advance is the best. It's something to put on the calendar and look forward to. 

(The Beard got tickets to this Jazz game in the Larry H. Miller Suite a few weeks ago. So fun.)

Make the transportation part of your date - whether that's taking a scenic route, parking and walking a few blocks to your restaurant, or listening to specific music in the car makes that time more memorable.

(We took the Trax from Sandy to Downtown - neither of us being big Trax users. Best people watching of all time. We also did a Backstreet Boys singalong on the way home, but that's pretty normal.)

Do something new, like a restaurant you've never tried or a store you've never been in.

(Z'Tejas was a last minute decision but the giant bowl of guacamole made right at our table was the highlight of my night. It's rare that I can weasel the Beard out of Italian and into Mexican food, so when it's yummy I rub it in.)

Positive Conversation is where it's at. Focus on things you love, things you're excited for and retelling old stories. 

(We have been trying so hard to not complain about our jobs, and it's paying off. We talked about our families, Christmas plans, single girls to set our single guys up with, and of course Glen Coco.)

And finally, the best discovery I made was actually an unfortunate accident. 

And the reason I have no pictures. Not even of my outfit. I wore a Star Wars graphic tee, blazer, cropped pants and leopard studded loafers. Definitely outfit-post worthy, but we missed it. Just imagine it, would you? Here's my outfit today anyways. Not as cute. Much more teacher-y. But I finally got a polka dot sweater! Blogger win!

Puppy: Heaven, sweater: Forever 21, chambray shirt: Old Navy, pants: Gap, boots: Forever Young

Turn your phone off, leave it in the car, silent mode, whatever you need to do. You become so much more mentally present and engaged when your phone/Twitter/Instagram isn't buzzing in the back of your mind.

At first I was bummed that I couldn't post a pic and live tweet the game, but it only lasted about a minute. Once I realized I didn't have to check my phone constantly and could give the Beard my full attention, the night just took off. 

I realized that THAT is what a date truly is. Devoting your attention to one person for a few hours to show them you care and really want to know them. After 7 years of dating you would think I'd have figured that out by now.

Well I've figured it out now. And I'm super excited for more phone-less dates with that bearded guy I like.

Surprise Me - A Dating Horror in Provo

Surprise date:

Noun - a date between two parties wherein one of the parties is unaware that said event is a "date," usually believing the event to be a "group" activity.

Verb - to lure an unsuspecting party into a "date" situation by deceptive means.

The surprise date. Bread-and-butter of the over-eager in the dating world. Most of you have probably experienced the surprise date, hopefully not on the "surprising" end. You really can't make it out of Provo dating culture without this rite of passage.

When I was living in Provo, right before I met the Beard, I was hanging out with this group of guys. They all lived together and were mission buddies. We liked the same shows and movies, and they liked to cook, so I liked hanging out there. I've always been most comfortable with a group of all guys. I was good friends with all of them and really enjoyed hanging out there. One of the boys I suppose took a liking to me, and started being more proactive about inviting me to stuff. But it was always "We are all ...." or "Me and the guys...." or "A bunch of us got tickets to...."

Until he stopped delivering on those invitations. After a couple of weird one-on-ones, he asked me to go to his mission reunion with him AND THE GUYS. At first, I thought nothing of it. I was good friends with these dudes, and I'd heard their stories about other mission people for months now. Then he asked if he could introduce me as HIS GIRLFRIEND. Um, exclamation point?

From that point on, I was careful. Or so I thought. He would invite me to come watch a movie, and I'd make sure they were all going to be there. But I'd show up and then, as though by previous command, all the guys except the Surprise Dater would leave the room and we'd end up watching a movie alone.

From that point on, I was cynical. I only hung out one more time - a dinner at a sushi restaurant for one of the guy's birthdays. It was guaranteed that this was a group thing, and I confirmed with several other guys before showing up. Surprise Dater had conveniently reserved the seat next to him for me and then, at the end of the meal, proceeded to embarrass himself completely by DEMANDING that he pay for my dinner as well. Everyone else was on separate checks. I assured the waitress I would pay for my own. He literally stood, handed his card to her and stated in the most terrifying tone

"IT. WOULD. BE. MY. PLEASURE."

Are you serious? Clearly, that was the last time I hung out with the group. It simply wasn't safe anymore. Between the forced Facebook photos, deceptive "movie nights," and any other conceivable attempt to date me, I couldn't risk it anymore.

Surprise dating is a real thing. It is an obstacle in the gauntlet that is the Provo Dating Scene. It is a real ailment and I don't even know how to help you avoid it.

Who else has been Surprise Dated? Share your stories here, on the Facebook link, or email me and I'll share. :)

ValenTIMES Day

I love Valentines Day. I always have. Even when I was single, I prided myself on not being one of those bitter girls. You know the types.

1. The Denier. Boycotts Valentine's Day by watching violent movies, wearing all black, locking themselves in their apartments. I bet that makes you feel better, huh?

2. The Annoyer. Pretends to not care, has a loud, obnoxious girls night by taking the tables meant for couples at the chic sushi restaurant. We get it. You're SOOOOO independent.

3. The Whiner. Basically just drops pity-party comments like "Well, if I HAD anyone to spend it with..." "These hearts just remind me that I'm alone, hahahaha! *sob*" There is a reason you're alone, sweetheart.

Celebrate LOVE you guys! It doesn't matter if you don't have it yet! It's ok. And it's ok for other couples to celebrate. The flowers, chocolates and teddy bears might be tacky, but it's not the items. It's a celebration of LOVE!

Last year's Valentine's, or ValenTIMES, as Ryan calls it, was amazing. Ryan surprised me with dinner at Shoga, a completely shocking ring shopping trip, and hilarious people watching at the Cocoa Bean. It was perfect. For our first married Valentimes we wanted to keep the pace.

Ryan is surprising me with the dinner location, again. Cocoa Bean will be our delicious dessert, and instead of ring shopping we're planning a cozy night with an old romantic movie (we're thinking "An Affair to Remember" or something equally classy).

I keep planning outfit after outfit. No one tell me I have to pick just one.

And I just couldn't resist the cute boxes of class Valentines so I got some classy Batman Valentines and I'm whipping up these pink beauties for our family and friends. Hopefully Cupid smiles upon me in this quest.

Love LOVE and love you all!

Think Outside the Box

I've never been a fan of weird singles ward things - ward prayer, dessert parties, FHE at the bishopric's house, speed dating, etc. So naturally I avoided the Munch & Mingle. I liked to lay low in a singles ward. Sure, I went. I did my Visiting Teaching (usually). I accepted and magnified callings. But I would often go to other wards, leave after sacrament and avoided activities at all costs.

When The Beard and I were dating pretty seriously in the spring, I came around more (having a boyfriend is a perfect excuse for hanging with your roommates and being antisocial). I still didn't go to activities, but when my roommate Tiffany got called to run the Munch & Mingle every week, I stuck around to support her. Bad idea.

One Sunday as I was about to grab my vegetable plate and sneak home, the fellowshipping committee guy (don't you love these made-up callings?) cornered me.

"Danica, right? Hi I'm fellowshipping guy. We have this little 'Get to know you' form that the Bishop wants everyone in the ward to fill out. I don't think we've gotten one for you yet."

Nope. You haven't. Been in the ward 6 months and almost made it out scot-free. "Oh? Hmmm. Ok..... So..... do you want me to...... fill it out? .... Now?"

"YES!" - pure exuberance as he hands me the form. I sigh and sit down. I hate stuff like this, normally. But you have to understand. At this point, The Beard and I were getting engaged in the future (I wish it had been the NEAR) and we were already planning on going to his ward's incredibly awkward Marriage Prep class (a story for another blog post). So this little survey is even more pointless. Hence, my answers

Name: Danica Anne

Age: no comment

Hometown: Diagon Alley

Current House: The Dream Palace

Major: Molding of Minds

Calling: Monday night babysitting (I was FHE mom. Also, if the Bishop doesn't already know this, I don't want to tell him!)

Favorite Color: Black. It is the most Dominant.

Favorite Food: Water.

Favorite Movie: Phantom of the Opera. (Ok, that one was real. I couldn't betray them.)

Favorite Season: Salt.

Favorite Sport: Jousting

Favorite Hobby: Sleep

I know. I'm a smart a**. But then to my surprise I see a classic "Check the Box" question at the end.

"Are you dating someone? Yes/No."

Uh.... What? Why would the Bishop need to know that? You're more likely to land in the Penalty Box? Maybe to know if we need a section of Marriage & Family Relations? I don't know. I thought that was weird and personal. BUT if it meant I didn't have to go to the stupid speed dating crap, fine by me. I checked "YES."

I handed it back and snuck out as quickly as possible, grinning to myself. Tiffany came home excited and confused. "I saw that your form was in the date box....?"

"The Date Box? What is that? No, I filled out a form for the Bishop."

"That's the Date Box."

"What in the h*ll is the Date Box?"

She preceded to explain that the Date Box is where everyone in the ward is mixed together like some depressing single-life gumbo, and people are matched together for a date. It's ridiculous. It's the lowest form of singles ward functions. I felt relieved that I had checked the box "YES." That saved me. Surely they'd take my form out. And even if they didn't, my ludicrous answers made me seem psychotic, so no one would call me anyways. Right?

Wrong.

Thursday night of that week, The Beard and I were out at my parent's house for Office Night. My phone starts ringing from an unrecognized number. I had been getting calls from schools about interviews over that entire week, so I'd just been answering everything instead of screening calls. Obviously this wasn't a Junior High calling at 8 pm on a Thursday. But I answered.

"Hi, is this Danica?"

"Uh, yeah this is she."

"Hi. This is random dude from the ward.... I pulled you out of the Date Box and I was wondering.... are you available Saturday night?"

My eyes widen and The Beard can hear everything on the other line. He starts laughing and I am taken aback.

"Oh!.... um... well...."

"You're seeing someone."

"Well, yes," I laugh, "I'm sorry! I checked the box on the form..." I trail off, mumbling and awkward.

"Oh. Ok. That's too bad. Well. Maybe some other time. Have a good night!"

Maybe some other time?! Ryan is laughing and I'm equal parts embarrassed and amused. Did he not see the checked box? Did he think it wasn't for real? Did he check my Facebook and see that I wasn't "in a relationship?" There's no way he was turned on by my love for "jousting," was he? How did this happen?

Classic. This is Provo. And I couldn't be happier to be married.

Classy and Formal

I love my life. My last two weeks in Provo before I ship out have been the best of my entire summer. And I've had an awesome summer.

Last night I was privileged to attend the most exclusive private society in Provo - Minae ut Congregatio (Latin for "Menace to Society"). This is a professional Gentleman's Society, roughly 6 months old, and very active here in Provo. Twice a month, these Menacing Gentlemen gather with equally classy females of their choosing, best dress, of course, and enjoy an evening that speaks of a different age.

If there's one thing I love, it's formality. If there's two things I love, they are class and formality. Being classy is always my goal, but it's not for me to decide or determine if I reach an acceptable standard. But formality I think I achieve. I often get asked why I wear head-to-toe black, skirts and dress pants often. It's true my office doesn't require that level of dressiness. I just like being and looking formal. I often overdress. Don't get me wrong. I get home from work and throw on sweats almost every night. I guess it's the girly side of me, but I love getting all dolled up for stuff. So naturally I was absolutely thrilled when I was asked to attend a best dress, formal event.

Especially if it's a classy Cocktail Party.

Except we are all nice Mormon individuals so I guess it was "mocktails" but that just sounds stupid.

I was immediately inspired by the fashion-forward musical Chicago. I watched the 2002 film before I left to visit the city in focus, having always wanted to have seen it. The best part of the whole movie was how much I incorporated their style and looks into my own look after watching it. They could have stepped right off the set of the movie and into the downtown area of any city and looked maybe a little overdone but very chic. I think I must be obsessed a little bit with the "Roaring Twenties," maybe because I'm a roaring twenty myself right now, but I LOVE the formality, the classiness, the society of the '20s. Society itself had an unwritten dress code. People had swagger, but the kind that is still polite and looking to earn respect, not just expect it. The men were confident, smooth and pursued what they wanted directly. Women were recognizing new rights and freedoms, having fun, being independent, but never "wore the pants." Femininity was still important. I love that.

And most importantly. The Style.

If I could rock a finger-waved bob, you better believe I would. I told my mom that when I was 14, and I've repeated it several times since. Also, the short, blunt bangs have always intrigued me, and a couple years ago I worked up the guts to try it. I loved that too. At H&M in Chicago, I saw a Flapper-esque dress, and was inches away from buying it and thought "But really, when am I going to wear this?" Am I kicking myself now? Absolutely. An hour or so after that, I came across a headband in Aldo that I couldn't resist. Black with a silver embellishment, very Flapper. Recently inspired by the movie Chicago, my new headband and a new red lipstick, I got ready with a 1920s cocktail party in mind. Muted cheeks and eyes, winged black liquid eyeliner, matte red lips, an outfit similar to this one with sparkly silver accessories. I was kind of loving it and wishing I could dress up every day. I think I found my Halloween costume. Katie Derrick - What do you think?

The party was held in the classiest room I've ever seen in Provo. "The Cigar Room" is lushly decorated, with a nostalgic, vintage feel. I wasn't really expecting anything other than my outfit to pay tribute to a different age, so imagine my delight at the decor of our venue (complete with a crystal chandelier-my favorite!). I should have snapped a picture of it. I didn't take any pictures and now I'm wishing I had. :( Anyways, everyone arrived, classy and formal. We sat in a large circle and the members opened the meeting with announcements and proposals. Drinks were served with classy lemons, limes and the optional umbrella. Andrew was leaving the society in a week when he was getting married and moving to Colorado, so he had the honor of leading the discussion. Each meeting there is a discussion about things that are and create Menaces to Society. What they are, why they are, how they can be changed, prevented or used for the betterment of society. Andrew chose to introduce the topic of egoism. We talked at length about pride, the Fundamental Attribution Error, and becoming better people in general.

When's the last time you sat with a group of peers and discussed deep moral topics, with some formality and plenty of humor? I spend a great deal of my time in conversation with all different kinds of people, often about life and moral issues, but never in such earnest and honest conversation, meant to edify all those present. "We like to think of ourselves as influencers of Provo. For the better," claimed my date. After this discussion, I found that he was not being pretentious or conceited at all.

And then.....

We

To

and it was the best social event I've been to in the past year.

Why can't we go back to the 1920s way of socially interacting? Why can't we be classy and formal? Why can't we live our lives richly and with flair?

This was a great night, not just because of the company, the outfits, the discussion, how much I smiled, or laughed. This was a great night because it gave me hope that Provo (and the world) isn't entirely given over to the social agenda of (and I will recognize that I do actually LIKE all of these things, I just think they shouldn't be the only social interaction/dating method, which they are becoming) frozen yogurt dates, random Neon/80s/Jersey Shore/Techno/Stoplight/House/Dessert dance parties, redboxing movies and homebody hanging out.

You stay classy, Provo.