Goodb-

I can't even finish typing the title. Don't even think about asking me to say it out loud.

I'm not really devastated. I'm just sad. I'm gonna miss it so bad. I'm scared that I'll never love anything as much ever again.

I'm nervous. I'm anxious that they won't end it exactly how I want them to. I'm so nervous to see Michael, and terrified that I won't see him.

I'm so excited to see what they do for us tonight. I'm so excited to celebrate 9 years of amazing. I'm so ready to have some closure and completion.

In honor of the greatest show ever, the true love of my life, the single thing that has best defined my personality and sense of humor, here are my top 5 Office Moments of All Time.

#5 Count Choculitis

This episode. Man. This is the notification tone when my bestie and fellow Office fan Katie texts me. Usually Office quotes. 

#4 "F#$@!!!!!"

This is the single scene that made me laugh the most I've ever laughed in my life. I can't explain why it was so funny to me. It just was. Me and Ed Budge were laughing so hard that Patti B had to stop the Tivo.

#3 The Fitness Orb

 Jim popping his Fitness Orb. CLASSIC.

#2 "He put my stuff in Jello again!"

This is the clip from the very first promo that made me LOL and know that I'd found a show that I'd love. Never looked back.

#1 Assistant TO THE Regional Manager

I don't need to explain this one. It's just a perfect culmination of everything. Throwback, frenemies, nonsense. It's perfect. And it made my cry harder than anything.

But really, this.

Care-iculum.

It's been an awesome year at Mapleton Junior High. I loved it. I learned so much. I grew. I had a great time. I met some amazing people (adults and otherwise).

As I look back on our year, past the lessons about Islam, WWII, Apartheid, Communism and Immigration, I've found that what I REALLY want them to know was never listed in my state core curriculum.

• Everyone is worth listening to, and we're all a team. 
• You are responsible and are going to be held accountable for everything in your life. Don't drop that ball. You can't cop out.
• The Office is the greatest television show ever made. 
• Clean up after yourselves!
• Self-evaluate. Constantly ask yourself "Why?" "Why am I doing this?" "Why are they doing that?" and really think about the answers. Be aware of what you are doing and why.
• To my girls - Gossip sucks and you can't control what people say about you. But the way you live will give them things to talk about, good or bad. 
• To my boys - SWAG = douchebag.

But the biggest thing I want them to walk away with?

You control your life. You determine your happiness. You build your future.

So stop whining. Stop blaming. Stop giving up on hard things. Stop competing with everyone around you.

Start trying. Start thinking. Start living. Start loving. Start choosing.

Ultimately, I want you to care. About your future. About your present. About your brain. About your heart. About your reputation. About your morals. About your family. About your relationships. About who you are and who you want to be. 

In this society that says it's cool to be apathetic and nonchalant, where you can protect your pride by not trying, I wish you could see how much I believe in you. I wish you could see the amazing things that lie ahead of you if you just have the courage to reach out and try for them. I want you to enjoy the endless benefits that come from standing up and deciding that YOU are going to be happy, no matter what.

I want the best for you. I love you and I'll miss you. Thanks for an amazing year. I wish you many, many more.

Always,



Mrs. Holdaway

Goodbyes Are Such B*tches, You Guys.

I don't know who decided to fill my dream summer with bittersweet moments, but it wasn't me. And don't start into the whole "You can't have the bitter without the sweet." I know. I get it. But still. I spent a decent amount of my summer saying goodbye to things I loved.

First, The Office. Well, The Office as it should be. I WILL still be following The Office this fall, without Michael Scott. But we all know it will never be the same. Laugh all you want at Little Miss Danica, but The Office means a lot to me. It defined me during formative years. It nails my humor in a singular way. There have been times when I've felt lost, discouraged, depressed, and the only prescription that seemed to work was the friendly Jim/Dwight rivalry, a handful of ignorant Michael Scott comments, a dash of wacky Creed, and general Office camaraderie.

The clock just would not stop ticking as the "Goodbye Michael" episode neared. I didn't even want to watch it. I felt like a part of me would die or be lost. The Office without Michael is like chips with no salsa. Coke with no Diet. Danica with no Beard. OBVIOUSLY I was gonna watch it. But I was scared. Especially to watch it with The Beard. I knew I'd be emotional. And I've never really been a crier. But it was inevitable. The Beard would have to see that side of me sooner or later.

Well, it was sooner. I fell to pieces. Absolutely fell apart. Ryan's white tee sleeve was streaked with mascara. I couldn't believe it was happening. The moment between Jim and Michael melted my heart completely. The years of frustration and anger dissolved in the cathartic goodbye that wasn't. They did a fantastic job. It was hard, but it was time. I said goodbye.

Then it was goodbye to the LAO. No need to dwell on that. It's all been said and done.

When a student is struggling with a concept, the recommendation is to increase the FIT.

Frequency

Intensity

Time

I practiced my crying by increasing all three of these during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. It didn't stop. My head was throbbing. The Beard watched with me and concealed his embarrassment. That's why I love him. It was really hard to say goodbye to Harry Potter. Again, something I've loved since I was probably 11. Harry Potter is amazing. J.K. Rowling saved books. Twilight is ridiculous (although I read them), Hunger Games are pretty awesome, and there are other respectable options for young adult and universally appealing fiction. But I think I'm right in saying nothing will touch Harry Potter. Ever, probs. I love to reread them. The movies got better and better. The geek humor of following Harry Potter religiously is incredibly endearing. Thank you, J.K. Rowling. Thank you Harry Potter.

Finally, I said goodbye to my last name. Danica Budge had such a nice ring to it. That's been my name. It's everywhere. Email, Twitter, all kinds of social media, all my online shopping accounts (which are numerous, I assure you). Social Security was a bit of a hassle. Changing my information with Nebo School District took a while. I still haven't even dealt with BYU. It's still a little weird when I habitually sign my name "Danica Budge." Have 200 kids call me "Mrs. Holdaway!" or "Mrs. HALDaway!" all day has helped with the tradition.

But you know what? I love being a Holdaway. I didn't shed a tear over that one. I've joined another family that I'm so proud to be a part of. I like to label myself as The Beard's by taking his name. It's an indication of our new little family. I'll always be a Budge. But now I'm a Holdaway. And it feels great.