Why are Christmas Songs the Creepiest?/My Santa Baby Wishlist

There are several traditional Christmas songs that I find incredibly creepy.

1. "Baby It's Cold Outside" is definitely about date rape.
2. "Last Christmas" is about a clearly unstable person who was in love with a slut and obviously didn't have any idea that he/she was repulsed with her/him.
3. "Blue Christmas" and "Baby Please Come Home" are so desperate I get embarrassed just listening.
4. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is cute I guess, but I can't get past how disturbing that would be for the kid. Like scarring, probably. 
4. "Santa Baby" is just a glorified little girl thinking she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger, but her 'daddy' is really Santa and the "little girl" is a wannabe seductive greedskank.

I don't know why we don't just listen to the perfection that is NSYNC's Christmas album.

Despite all that, I love Christmas and I'm getting all kinds of excited, just like everyone else. The tree is up. We have completed Christmas shopping for everyone but each other. Copious amounts of hot chocolate are disappearing from our pantry. Fun all around.

So if I were a creepy, slutty, greedy "Santa Baby" singer, here is what I'd be crooning about:

Really gonna need some booties. I'm thinking sleek black for school, rugged western for leggings and sweaters when I'm off duty. 

Drop waist dresses are killing it right now. Almost bought one for $15 (!!!) at Downeast a couple weeks ago but it was too short. Depression set in rapidly.

 New frames. I picked out an awesome pair at my eye exam last month and then chickened out at the last minute. I hate wearing my glasses, but now I'm obsessed with these so hopefully I'll wear them more when I inevitably buy them.

 A stunzo leather jacket. Every cool girl has one.

 I never wanted a wedding band, and haven't ever worn one. But when I saw this bow wedding band, I wanted it. That could be a wedding band right? It definitely won't be anytime soon, but maybs someday. 

 Bloggers have been bombarding the blogosphere (alliteration anyone?) with oh-so-chic printed sweaters right and left. Totally behind this one.

 

A tweed or boucle structured Chanel-esque jacket. But could I even pull it off? The dilemma.

 

Cap toe heels. D*&$ you, JCrew.

 

 

 The R2D2 case, obvs. I guess I'd need an iPhone first. But honestly I want the case more.

See? It's not ONLY clothes. Kate Spade makes the cutest iPad cases.

  

I'm trying to write more, and to take my writing seriously, because I really love it. I just need things to write about and something that forces me to write. 

 

I just wanna do everything Eliesa does, so I naturally fell in love with her new leather satchel/backpack/statement bag. Now I want one.

All images (and many, many, many more that I want) I gathered from my reservoirs of boards on Pinterest.

What I really want for Christmas is for Pinterest to create some sort of folder/organizing system for all 10 recipe boards, 6 outfit boards, 8 holiday boards, 5 home design boards, and any other type of board I choose to create in the not-so-distant future.

Follow my Pinterest account. I pin so much and so often. You won't regret it.

6 Months for you, Glen Coco! You Go Glen Coco!

Sunday was Glen Coco's 6 month birthday!!!! Yeah. I'm one of those people. But, no, I didn't make him a pup-cake. It's real.

**To read our post when we first got Glen check here**

I can't believe he used to look like this.

But now he looks like this! (Notice the sock he's {unsuccessfully} trying to bury)

Man we love this little guy. Our little family just revolves around him. He's getting all puppy pad trained, not biting and slowly cutting down on the crazy barking. He's extra cuddly and he's learning tricks!

He even made it onto Dogshaming in his first 6 months. Pretty accomplished. Even if it was post-scary-haircut.

Not to mention I love that the Beard loves him. We got him knowing he'd be for me, and the Beard was reluctant to even have one. But fellow Beards bonded and now they are fast friends. :)

 

Two bearded goofballs in a pod. 

Try to tell me this isn't the best picture you've ever seen. 

Likes

• Stealing & hiding socks (see above)
• Sticking his butt in your face
• Eating leaves, paper, anything
• Playing fetch
• Our big blue blanket aka Glen's nap spot
• Humping his panda pillow pet (sorry?)

Dislikes

• Cold snow on his sensitive little paws
• His Darth Vader Halloween costume. It was a little too big and scared him so bad. So it'll have to wait until next year. :(
• Baths
• Waking up
• Lettuce
• Milo (the upstairs neighbor's Bernese Mountain dog. Same age as Glen, 50x the size and very VERY friendly)
• Vacuums & Washing Machines

Hilarious things he does:

When I'm asleep or reading or otherwise occupied, he gets his toy and drops it right on my face.

 Wake up Mom!

When I do yoga he attacks my ponytail and jumps on my back. Challenge Level: 10. I'm going to try to get some video because it's comedic slapstick gold.

When I'm asleep he sleeps above/against the top of my head on my pillow, and gets pissed if I have to change position.

When he knows he's in trouble he looks up at us with sad eyes and tries to nuzzle. It works.

When he jumps off the couch he leaps like he's trying to fly.

When I hide under a blanket and "cry" for him he wails and whines until he can find a way under the blanket. 

When we are eating he tries to catch the food between our plates and our mouths.

Boy, is he perfect. 

Sometime, Always, Never - How to Not Be an Idiot in the Blogosphere

Ok so this Sometimes, Always, Never isn't about a fashion faux pas. Sorry. But this topic has been showing up on multiple blogs and it IS Friday. Therefore, Sometimes, Always, Never returns.

My friend Sierra posted about this.

Life of Bon posted about this. 

Even a dance/fitness tumblr I follow posted about shutting down her ask box because everything she was getting was rude or stupid, even though she makes workouts and inspirational posts FOR FREE.

I am lucky to never have had an issue with rude/stupid/retarded comments on my blog, and wouldn't mind if I did. A girl once complained about a post we wrote on BYU Style back in the day when Katie and I were writing for it, and we just LOLed and LOLed over it. No harm done.

Despite all logic and humanity, blogging has somehow become a controversial issue. Blows. My. Mind.

To me, blogging is such a small, insignificant part of my life. I really like to write and I love reading blogs, but if my blog went away (Natural Disaster, Apocalypse, Electronic/Internet failure) would my world end? NO. It's just a fun thing to add to my life.

Logic would conclude that Blogging is this:

1. Someone has a site where they post their thoughts, ideas, outfits, recipes, opinions, intelligence and stupidity.
2. You DO NOT have to read it, they owe NOTHING to you, and it's not real life anyways. 
3. Reason would dictate that there is no possible reason to leave nasty comments, belittle others, complain about a blog or  even read it in the first place. Yet here we are. 

Without further ado.... How to Not be an Idiot in the Blogosphere.

SOMETIMES

Blog. Yes, you read that right. I firmly believe you should only blog SOMETIMES. Do not blog every day unless you are being paid to, or unless you want to lose touch with reality. Seriously. No one has a life so interesting that it requires everyday documentation.

Comment on blogs. If I tried to comment on every blog I read, even just once a week, it would be a colossal waste of my time. I only comment on posts that really touch me or relate to me. Just like you wouldn't try to talk to every single person at a big party, you shouldn't try to be part of every single blog on the interwebs. Come on.

ALWAYS

Follow what you love and unfollow what you don't. Don't be afraid to unfollow a blog or delete a subscription. Don't feel bad. This is your life. Don't waste it reading things that make you mad or sad or don't really contribute to your life.

Contribute positively. We all love a good b**** fit post. But the majority of your internet contribution should be positive, that includes comments and content you follow.  

NEVER

"I'm such a bad blogger!" Is blogging a sport? Is blogging a competition? No. Blog when and how and what you want to. If you're doing what you love you are a "good" blogger.

I take it back. If you don't know how to use the English language appropriately you are a "bad" blogger.

For the love of everything internet, do NOT make your blog your personal journal. No one cares. Sorry. But we don't want to know how many times you had to change your little one today or how you slept last night.

General Authorities have commanded us to keep journals. I get that. But if your journal is your blog you are missing the entire point - keeping things sacred.

***If you are leaving a mean comment, complaining about a blog, or getting angry about a post:***

You are the idiot we are referring to.

You do realize that it is THEIR blog, correct? And they they write it for THEM? Not you and your selfish little life.

So stop typing. Close that comment thread. Unfollow that blog. Log off your computer. 

No one will miss you. Trust me. 

If this is offensive, feel free to unfollow me. I recognize this was a mean ranting post. You have every right to choose what to follow and I have every right to write anything I choose. I'll take my own advice and get over it. Promise.

Because my value and self-worth are not determined by your comments or the number of followers in my right sidebar. 

Russian to Come Home

Last night my cousin came home from her mission in Donestk, Ukraine! Her plane landed at 10:47 pm and a bona fide crazy crowd was gathered to welcome her back to Utah.

 

Me and Jess are the same age and grew up right around the corner from one another. Always in the same ward and schools, our families spending lots of time together, we were close. Even when we attended rival colleges. In fact, I think we became better friends during our college years, despite the Holy War. :)

She left right before I got married, which was a bummer, but we even moved my bachelorette party back a few weeks because I wanted Jess to attend. I was sad to not have her as a bridesmaid, but so proud of her for going on a mission! She surprised us all (well, maybe just me, idk) by declaring that her mission call was coming ("WHAT?! YOU PUT IN YOUR PAPERS?!!!!!" *head explodes* - me) in a week or so.

It was amazing to be there when she opened her call, sort of expecting South America, where her little brother Justin (my sister Brooke's age) was serving in Bolivia, instead seeing the Ukraine

"Russia!" - one of her relatives boldly declared. No. Almost. Close. Used to be. But no. Speaking Russian? Yes.

She put her life on hold to serve in some freezing cold country, learning a crazy freaking language, and became an amazing example to our whole family in the process.

And she's back! This was my first missionary welcoming party ever (Justin's is in 2 weeks!) and it was such a positive experience for me. We patiently (not) waited holding signs and balloons and for some inexplicable reason I started just bawling the moment I saw her on the escalator. It was really her!

Lisa, her mom, naturally got the first hug.

Then the family, including her 15 year old brother Josh who has grown  approximately 10 feet since she left.

Then me! I think I broke one of her ribs.

She seemed shell-shocked, exhausted (27 hours of flights and layovers can do that to you) and overwhelmed. There were a lot of hugs to go around. I'm sure she was relieved when we all finally left her well enough alone.

But man there is just nothing like a fresh missionary. I'm so glad she is home and I'm excited for Justin to get home too! The holidays will be so fun this year with everyone reunited. Also I'm calling that she will be engaged within the year and we won't be the only marrieds on this side of the fam. Calling it.

However. Not so excited about the way this whole event reminded me that little Mitch will be putting in his papers in a month or two. But the sooner he goes, the sooner he comes back. Right?

RIGHTTTTTTTTT?!

Bloggers and Jewelry and Slutty Brownies, Oh My!

My friend and fellow blogger Miss Gentri Lee invited me to a blogger party on Saturday at her new salon - A la Mode Studios in Draper. She does facials, makeup, eyelash extensions and generally makes you look better than you naturally look. She's amazing. She did makeup and consultations, as well as jewelry giveaways and delicious treats to throw a super fun party and spread the word about her services.

Check out her blog and give her a call if you need/want to look prettier for something/anything/nothing. She's a beauty wizard and bite-sized fun. 

It was so much fun to meet new blogger friends and see Gentri work her magic in the studio. The cute jewelry and other prizes were courtesy of: cheerfully charmed, (kno)name, perfectly posh c/o tiffany, pixie pie 

I won an awesome (kno) Name watch and cute Cheerfully Charmed earrings (above)! Yahtzee!

Gentri asked me to bring some treats so I made...... drumroll..... Slutty Brownies! Found of course on Pinterest, these have been my latest bake for the last few events I've needed treats for. As seen on the red tray above, they are deliciously messy and positively satanic for your diet. Cookie dough, oreos and brownie batter. Idiot proof and delicious.

These girls were delightful. I should do blogger meetups more often. I get invited to them or see them advertised all the time but never go. Mostly because I'm lazy. But this one has me converted to the blogger world.  Even if I didn't come with the blogger bun and red lipstick, they still accepted me as one of their own. Thanks, blogging world of Utah.

 

Classy. Just pure classy.

 

I didn't even meet everyone, but I added like 10 new awesome blogs to my blogroll. If you are looking for a bunch of fun new ladies to follow, check out the comprehensive list compiled by Gentri and Sarah on Gentri's blog. If you're anything like me you're a compulsive blog reader, Diet Coke drinker and puppy cuddler. Well at least a blog reader. So check it out.

The Birthday King

The Beard has a varied and extensive skill set: basic skills like being incredibly smart with insane reading comprehension, and his impressive social aptitude for meeting people and making friends.

But he also has the most random assortment of what he calls "skills of a misspent youth."

• Family tech support - he knows pretty much everything about computers, iPhones and anything with an on button
• He can break into anything in under a minute. Suspicious.
• Pensmanship. He has 4 distinct fonts. All better than my handwriting. 
• Amazing cook. I don't know why he puts up with my basic and unimpressive cooking when everything he makes is 100x more delicious. 
• Fencing. Not sure why. But he's crazy good at it. 
• Building/fixing things.
• Ability to rattle off sports statistics (mostly baseball) for obscure players 10 years ago.
• Great with babies, kids and puppies. Drool-worthy, you guys. 

Probably the most surprising to me is that he's not your average male crappy gift-giver.

The Beard is the King of Birthdays.

The last two weeks have been awesome because he hit it out of the park once again. Not only with thoughtful gifts (new scriptures to replace my high school seminary copies that are falling apart and read "Danica Anne Budge", a Yoda bobblehead, iPad keyboard, to name a few) but with the way he makes me feel special. I got cute emails from him throughout the day, and even though that day was stressful and exhausting I was so excited to come home and have fun with him.

He carried around all the gifts from my awesome family around the mall while I found a pair of pants to replace a crotch-hole pair (the worst).

He turned on The Office for me and set up my new keyboard, and even let me nap!

He got tickets for us to see Thriller - which is huge. The Beard doesn't relish the theater. It's pushing it to get him to go to a movie, let alone people jumping around in tights IN PERSON. But he knew I had wanted to see it and just came through.

It was awesome and we had so much fun, even if we had to fight about parking (always). :)

I love the Birthday King.

Even if he didn't believe me that I'm 23 now.

Do you have a Glass Eye?!

One weekend a couple of years ago, I went down to a softball coaching seminar thing at Dixie State with my dad, sister and our other Crush coach, Kylie.

The seminar ended late and we were starving - leaving no other option but the ever-mediocre Village Inn outside our hotel.

It was late, we were tired and giggly, so the next part became even funnier than it sounds, at least to us.

Explanation: If you have met me, you've certainly noticed my weird, lazy, twitchy eye. I've had it since I was in the NICU, apparently some side effect of laying on that side of my head for different treatments. It has gotten better as I've gotten older, but it gets worse when I'm tired and is very exaggerated when I chew and eat. I don't notice it anymore, except when I meet someone new and they can't stop looking at it. I don't blame them. It's pretty distracting.

With that in mind... enjoy the rest of the story.

I noticed this male waiter had been tailing our female waitress every time she came to check on our food/drinks. He kept looking at our table, enough that I wondered if he was into one of us ladies.

Finally he walked up to ask if we needed anything, then turned to me. The look on Ed Budge's face turned immediately stony and unamused.

You can imagine my surprise when this weird, bespectacled nerd waiter didn't ask for my name or number (is that a vain assumption?) but instead blurted

"Do you have a glass eye?"

My jaw dropped.

Ed's eyes widened.

Brooke and Kylie snorted and coughed to mask their explosion of laughter.

"OH-uhhhhhh.... No." I finally spit out. A glass eye?

People have asked about my weird eye, but never if I was some sort of pirate or evil villain with a prosthetic EYEBALL.

Ed lowers his head to shake it and bite back his smirk.

Brooke and Kylie still in tears, doubled over, trying unsuccessfully to curb their laughter.

"Oh. Oh. Yeah, sorry... It just..." He splutters and stammers trying to apologize and explain.

"Yeah, well, yeah it's weird. Yeah ok thanks bye." I finally get him to turn around and do the walk of awkward back to the waiters station.

The second he is out of sight, we all burst into even louder, more stunned laughter. Five minutes later we regain our breath and he avoids our not-so-sneaky glances as we leave.

An inside joke/insult was born.

I'm just really glad he didn't notice my peg leg.